Set your heart…. To hope…

We all like to be in control of various situations in our lives; especially the situation of being alive. Meaning we all like to live and we expect all our loved ones to remain alive with us. We like to have a full preview of our lives with all the pit falls and highs and lows. Many of us don’t even start new projects because we don’t have the entire blue print. We go nuts trying to figure out how to make a project successful.

The truth is we can only set our hearts to believe in the best and expect good things to happen if it is in the will of God. There is a dialogue in the movie – Left Behind part 3. The hero and heroine say their goodbyes before going into their respective mission fields in the middle of World War 3 and the hero encourages his new bride enthusiastically saying “Honey we cannot die until God decides to end our lives!!!” (to which she responds, with a half humor half pain look, “Thanks honey that is so romantic”).

We all are part of the generation in which Tsunami became a household word in India. I know personally a family which suffered loss during tsunami. They were a couple from North India on their holiday trip to south. And their only child wanted to see the beach before catching the train back home. They were there when the first monstrous wave hit. The father and child survived. The mother died. How do we explain why they were in that particular place on earth at that particular time? And what should we conclude from this? That the best way to stay alive is not go to the beach???

The other day I was at the beach.... men on horses, young couples strolling, children playing, parents fussing over their wards and a plane flying overhead. Just like all the people around me I too looked up at the flight making its way slowly across the sky. Then I suddenly realized I am just part of the landscape to the people on board the flight. We usually wander around with a unique sense of self. We see ourselves from within. All our thoughts are about me, mine, or something concerning I. On that day I relearned that We can live our lives wanting to make ourselves unforgettable, important or we can accept the fact that we are part of the landscape and try to be a beautiful human just to make the world at large a beautiful place.

Invariably, the ocean brought me memories of our dead comrades. I have seen navy personnel for many years. They always seem so much in control, strong, valiant….. I cannot imagine them dying. They are larger than life men. How can they die? How can superheroes die? When I called my husband after hearing the news he was so level headed. (or at least he sounded that way). He sounded 100% sure that nothing bad would have happened.That is how men in the Armed forces are trained; hope for the best and have an ability to digest the worst. Always ready to forget the risk they are in and give assurance to civilians. That is what a man should be.

Shakespeare said “A coward dies a thousand times before his death, but the valiant taste of death but once. It seems to me most strange that men should fear, seeing that death, a necessary end, will come when it will come.”

An unknown someone gave this answer in 'yahoo answers'.....

I love this answer. This person has so succinctly described what you and I should strive to be – A hero/heroine; not a sniveling coward whose one aim is to stay alive along with his/her family for a long time. Instead we must hope, we must do our part and not complain, we must get up each day and thank God for it, we must live each day to the fullest so we have no regrets and we know we have given it our best. 

I have set my heart today to live a full life. I don’t know how that is going to get done but I expect God to teach me. I choose to face the unknown and say “Bring it on!!”. And I hope dear reader that you will join me if you are not already there. God bless.

August 15th

I salute the crew and families of INS Sindhurakshak

I had a fun and quirky message lined up for the Independence Day which I might write in sometime……maybe next year.

I have always loved India and I always explained that this was India’s Birthday to my small child. Due to security state being high during I-day my husband would never be around at home to celebrate it with us but never the less we dance, we bake cake and rejoice, I mean rejoice  just like it were a family member’s birthday. That is the day I look back to all the people who died for our country’s independence. I look at them with gratitude and pride. I thank them in my heart for the free air I breathe in now. Being in Navy I have even visited the cellular jails. I have touched the loathsome cells and tried to imagine how horrible it would have been to be there. I always try to keep their memories alive in head so they are not dead as a matter of fact but alive in us. 

Every Naval wife, no matter what hardships she goes through will stand proud when she remembers where her husband is working. She more than anybody else in the world remembers how dangerous and yet how soulfully rewarding is his work. It is not like any other job. Defence jobs are very meaningful. Very very meaningful. You are not working to feed yourself and your family. Your work is to ensure that others can live well. You go sleepless so others can sleep peacefully in the country; you go without food so others can sit in restaurants without any threats; you stand in snow and rain so others can go about their lives without the fear of being attacked. Defence Life is THE life. To me each defence person is a savior in his/her own class. There is a pride and a sense that life is more than just me in the hearts of every person associated to our defence family. 

I never thought I would wake up on Independence Day and cry like that. When I heard the news one part of me was thinking this is not happening and the other part remembering the cramped quarters of a submarine. I used to feel so claustrophobic being inside them. Going through those submarines raised my level of respect for the men in uniform. It is something not everybody can do. Sitting in 6x5 rooms, not seeing the sky for months together, no entertainment, same few faces to speak to – the mental strength needed to endure these conditions is TREMENDOUS. In a sub the space is so constricted you have to watch each step so you don’t stumble. One fall means you will definitely get a painful blow from some heavy metal equipment. I cannot imagine having to experience multiple blasts in such a small place. I cannot imagine. I cannot.

I know how the general public looks up to the Armed Forces with certain awe and wonder. But the story on the other side is known only to the wives. The missed family time, dangers involved in the work place; waiting for 23 hours and 58 minutes to hear the voice of her husband for two minutes over a sat phone from the middle of nowhere. This tragedy that the families of the people on board are facing now is unimaginable. No one can truly understand or alleviate the suffering of these brave people.

This is just the recent disaster in many such work hazards in Navy. There are so many brave souls that lost their lives trying to save others, going on routine flight checks, on safety inspections. I remember and thank God for each one of them. I see them par with all our freedom fighters. Our national heroes died to give us freedom. And our defence heroes give their lives to keep India independent and formidable. 

All of us are born  to die someday. But losing some of the best men in our country is not easy or meaningful in anyway. I remember the words in the movie Troy that the mother of Achilles speaks to him just before he leaves for Troy.

“If you stay in Larisa… you will find peace. You will find a wonderful woman. You will have sons and daughters, and they will have children. And they will love you. When you are gone, they will remember you. But when your children are dead and their children after them…. Your name will be lost.

If you go to Troy…. Glory will be yours. The world will remember your name. But if you go to Troy… you will never come home. For your glory walks hand in hand with your doom.

And I shall never see you again.”

The Art of Helping Others

Many times I see women helping others quite willingly. They sacrifice, they reach out, hug and comfort and cook and clean just so things can become a little easy for the other person. But I wonder at what point they deviate from being helpers to……… I am unable to get the right word……. High handedness, maybe. They assume somehow that they have to be treated nicely by the person they’d helped. By nice, I mean that person should not mind having them over at his/her place any time of the day, should be willing to do whatever they ask them to, sometimes even expect to be hero/heroine worshiped by this person; Makes me feel so bad when I see such people.

The only valid reason behind helping a person must be – “I am in a position to help so I help”. It cannot be “Oh this person will like me more/ I will look nice in front of others/ I feel like a BIG person when I do this/ I am a super achiever I can fulfill everybody’s needs”. It is strange how much junk people carry behind their seemingly simple gestures of help. All this junk comes out when they start cribbing about the person they'd helped. Whenever I have to listen to that all I can think is – “Why do they get so emotionally attached? And what is the meaning of their ‘selfless’ gesture if they are expecting something back?”

I was a culprit too in a different genre. I always felt that when I was so truthful to people they should be truthful to me too. But lately I have begun to understand that’s not the way the world works. I do have my family and a few friends who are point blank and straight forward with me and I respect them a lot. But there are also people who have layers and layers of deception upon them and I have learnt to recognize it (albeit a little painfully). I am slowly learning to maintain emotional distance from the second category.

Coming back to the original point, help should always be done with no strings attached. If the people you helped were benefited because of you – great. If they said thank you – great. If they appeared to have forgotten you the next time you see them – be a big heart, shrug and say “No Problem”. :)

I have heard that a good relationship must have mutual trust, concern and respect. Such relationships are what we all should strive for. And these relationships begin and continue only between people who are like minded, have the same set of principles and approach towards life. Such relationships don’t always happen between givers and receivers of help. So in case you helped someone and they left you don’t run behind them. In case you were greatly helped by someone, then look for opportunities to help them but don’t feel that you are attached / obligated to them. 

Simple concept; saves a lot of time and emotional energy. God bless.

________________________________________________________________________

By the way on a totally different line - I realized that I am not actually writing a lot about Navy life for the brides to be. Lot of my writing has shifted to what my friend correctly put as - Creative Writing. :) So I am going to write something about Navy and weddings in my next post. Just a heads up. God bless. 

The Eve Story

One day I happened to see a huge mobile poster. It contained a mobile and it vaguely resembled the Wrist Watch Ads. You know how watches are advertised showing 10:10 to show off its features; this mobile ad also showed everything. I mean everything. It started out with time, date, Dow Jones index, Gold rate, Facebook update, Twitter update, message from someone, missed call from another, post update from a blog, reminder for a meeting ………. Oh oh information overload ! All this on a single screen! Imagine the state of your brain if you had this screen sitting on your palm. 

After slowly reading through the content all I could think was – “Lord, Do you really want us to think so many thoughts?” What is the point of having everything in the same one minute?? And the people holding the phones were striking a partial runner’s pose and with cool heavy duty running shoes on. Meaning – You got to be doing everything and going somewhere. THAT is life.

When I was a little girl I read an excerpt of Gandhiji’s interview. He’d said “I hate this mad rush for constricting space and time”. I dint quite grasp then what he’d meant but now I do! The world always gives an impression that we have to be something else other than what we are now and doing something other than what we are doing now.

I relate this aspect of the world to the snake that spoke to Eve in the Garden of Eden. The essence of the speech the snake makes to Eve is this – “You deserve better. Look at you.. you got a dull life when you got to be doing something exciting. You are being cheated by not having all that you can have. What you have is not enough. You got to make something happen for yourself.” Every human being still hears these horrible words whispered in his/her ears again and again.

IF we yield to this we’ll end up like a circus clown juggling bricks and plates and balls and dolls while feeding a toddler on a high chair and laying out a dinner table for a distinguished company of visitors. We will be doing a lot of things but to anyone who looks at us – we’ll still be a clown; Doing MANY “important” things but basically a clown. :)

Among the mistakes Eve did, in the most important real life story ever published, two can be highlighted in context.

1) She was not enjoying or rather intently savoring what she already had. She failed to recognize the value of what she had and also failed to see that she already had everything. I mean look at all the people going on top of mountains, standing upside down and starving and going through tremendous pain to try and achieve what Eve already HAD to begin with. She was communicating with God Almighty and then tosses it off in a whimsical act of disobedience. It is scary to see people lose out on something precious just for the heck of it.

Sometimes we need real wisdom to understand that we already have what we need. And the right response to it is – Be thankful always. I developed this seemingly crazy habit of saying “Thank you God” for everything. Even if my car conks out on the middle of the road I say “Thank you God that my car stopped”. I trust God that something bad would have happened if I had driven on without any problem and that I had been saved from it. A totally new perspective opens up if we simply determine to be thankful.

2) Eve wanted something more with a blind assumption that that something will give her more happiness and add meaning to her life. 

Many times we want some things so badly that the lack of it hurts us in our mind, soul and body. But through the years if I have been learning one thing over and over again; it is this – God does not allow you to have some of the things you want because He knows if you get it, it will destroy you. And He takes some things out from your hands because if they remained with you they will harm you.

So….. to sum up :) Eve was tempted by the snake; now for us temptations come in through TV, Ads, Friends, even Facebook. But despite what the world tells you, be determined to LOVE your LIFE and savor every single moment of it. The joy may be simple but it is permanent and the rewards are peace of mind and prosperity of the soul that is very different and way too richer than the prosperity of the World.

God Bless.

My mail id :)

I have added a 'contact me' tab on the top. Please send all the "tricky" questions to my mail id.. :)

And in response to the anonymous query I got but could not publish - "Your choice is correct dear. I think that would fulfill what you want".. God bless. 

Don’t judge yourself

This post is a bit about my life than a general topic. I am just hoping that someone out there can relate to what I am saying and maybe even benefit from it. (Or even write to me and let me know I am not alone in this universe….)

In the recent times I had been introspecting and looking into the motives behind my actions, a lot. I was on the verge of embarking on a new dream that had strong passion on my side. But it was something new and I hadn't seen any of my contemporaries doing it.  So, until I've actually tasted success in this hardly trodden path, self doubts are bound to keep cropping up and they led to a character analysis of sorts, for me.

One character that stood out in my self-analysis was – I was a very contented person all through my life. Through my optimism shaded glasses my life was full and happy. And no one in my surroundings complained about me because I did all the normal things that Indian girls are expected to do.

Of course, when I got married, people were shocked. ALL of them had expected me to marry some NRI and settle abroad. But I loved my country and I loved ships and I loved the Armed Forces. All put together I chose the life I wanted to live.  

But, this self chosen life gave me consequences to face, hard ones at that. I’d given up on a “High Profile Career” and everything that people had considered normal. No wonder from then on I came under the scanner. It was (and still is) almost like people were waiting to see something crazy happening to me. (By people I mean the non-naval crowd). And now as I embarked on my new dream I severely felt a lot of scanner beeps and those laser lights running up and down over me. The worst side effect of this situation was - I was not being a contented person anymore. I was being covetous – I was looking to the left at one person and thinking “Oh I should have done what she’s doing, looong ago” or to the right at another and thinking “This is exactly what I must be doing now”.

Then by God’s grace I started praying rather than thinking; and as always God answered my SOS.  

First He reminded me of an incident – This happened quite a while ago. I was the very young and very over-worked wife (with a growing toddler in tow) of a sailing-like-crazy officer. I was tired almost all the time and I used to cry out of sheer exhaustion. At this time 3 people came into my life. All three had few common traits – putting me down/ hurting me with words/ calling up to nose around in my personal life and so on; All this when I was already in a downtrodden state. It was like getting poked by a hot iron rod in an open wound. For a while I dint understand what the problem was. (Well, maybe I was too tired to analyze). But I realized eventually that they behaved that way because they were jealous of me. One of them dint have a child, one felt I had a better education and social skills than her and one felt that I have gotten a better husband and to add to her woes she was childless. I dint know whether to laugh or cry whenever they behaved cruelly out of jealousy. I mean what state was I in? I felt like a pathetic mess and there were THREE people who could find reasons to be jealous of me. These are people I actually admired. For instance, the first person was a very good looking lady; the second person could make you feel at home in an instant plus had a sense of humor and was good looking and the third person was an amazing hostess. But sadly I was the only one seeing them that way. They on the other hand could only judge themselves in a bad light.

God reminded me through this memory that we should never judge ourselves poorly AND - You must be happy with whatever you have because there is bound to be someone or many people who don’t have what you have. I actually should go and thank these lovable ladies for showing me that my life was worth envying when it seemed like a failure to me. :) (If I had been wiser and less tired back then I would have written pages to them describing all their lovely qualities and helped them get out of the pit they were in. But I missed my chance)

Then one more lesson came this morning. I was trying to do some work online and suddenly went off into Facebook surfing. You know; where you keep typing in some name you know and try to catch a glimpse of what is happening in their lives. As I did that, I noticed, that all the people I knew dint actually live lives that I'd expected them to live. One chubby nerdy girl I knew had transformed into a beautiful damsel who was not working, one beautiful damsel I knew had transformed into a sad lady and she’d no man posing next to her. I could go on. But what I understood is – Life is not easy for anyone and everyone cannot have everything. By the way, who can define what “everything” comprises of? We all are trying to make choices and see where the choices lead us. And right there I got back my contented self. I know what I want to do in my life and I have lived my dream all these years. Pressures may come but some worthless social standard is not going to stop me from living the rest of my dreams out.

Every choice we make comes with pros and cons attached to it. The only thing we can do is – follow our heart and passion. At least on the day we die we’ll know – “I lived my life fully and dint waste any of it living someone else’s dreams”. :)

God Bless. 

 

Enjoy your life

Do you think you deserve to enjoy life? Well, God does! I love the old school hymn “All things bright and beautiful…”. Do take time to look it up. It’s a hymn I sing whenever I feel my life is getting pointless and I have been singing it since 3^rd grade. It describes the beauty of nature around us and how God gave us our senses to admire, relish and enjoy what He has made. I strongly believe God’s mandate for each one of our lives is – we worship our Creator and enjoy His creations while we are here.

God has been communicating to humanity since humans ever walked on this earth. He does that even now. All your dreams, vision for your life, deep yearnings in your heart when you see injustice around you, longing to live life more passionately – All this is from God. He is the creator of your intellect, imagination, intelligence everything that comprises the unique creation – you.

How many of us get up each morning to enjoy life? We can find umpteen reasons to worry, fret, fear, and regret; but enjoy?

Most of our misery comes from yesterday or tomorrow, both of which are out of our control zone. We can imagine that we are going to live forever and that we can control our every single circumstance, but sadly these are just lies. And we don’t have time for that. You better start enjoying life and search for meaning in it than go about dealing seriously with insignificant stuff.

Few practical steps to intentionally enjoy life

1) Raise a little early in the morning and spend the first one hour in solitude. Read positive quotes and books. Navy houses are situated at some of the best locations in India. So make the most of it. Sit in the balcony, watch the sea and just be still. Listen to your heart and write down what you hear. (Don’t fall asleep ;) make sure you have a cup of some hot beverage with you)

2) Write your own story with you as the heroine and all the cool stuff you did in life. You are married to a naval officer, so obviously you must be an interesting personality. You will have a lot to write about yourself. And don’t worry about writing the stupid incidents and people in your life. Just skip them and write the good part. :) Let this be your favorite heart-warming novel that you read often.

3) The world would be a different place if only people understood that “As they think so shall they be”. The most important thing to be guarded more than jewelry and money is this – your mind. An unfocused mind is literally devil’s workshop. I give you permission to deploy the weapon I use against that mind-stealer called satan. I quote relevant verses from the bible. For instance if he puts irrational fear in my mind regarding the safety of my family members I quote psalm 91 or psalm 23, whichever is appropriate. I simply don’t let the joy-stealer enter my mind and occupy it.

All of us have the desire to enjoy life but find little reason to do that. Because we have been taught that we should not be enjoying life rather we should be doing something worthwhile. But the truth is if we don’t enjoy what we do, it can’t be worthwhile. Yes, brains and stamina are needed for work but so is the heart. You don’t have to be miserable to get work done. Simply allow your heart to add meaning to what you are doing and even the most mundane job can become sacred and meaningful and hence worthwhile. We all have our places on this earth. We simply have to find them and start enjoying. God bless. 

How to raise and not race your children

I see women and men alike taking parenting SO lightly. Motherhood cannot be pursued as a side business or something that just happens in the background. Childhood is the time when humans are like wet clay. Mold them with diligence and precision you make something beautiful that glorifies God. Be aloof/ careless you end up with a badly shaped, hardened lump. 

Although there is no full guide for parenting that I know of there are few thumb rules we can all follow..

P -  Pray for your children  I raised my child as a single mother. My husband was sailing most of the time and both my parents and in laws stayed far away. I had no clue what I was doing. So I prayed. If my child threw inexplicable tantrums - I prayed, dint start speaking at the 'right' age - I prayed, dint know how to write - I prayed, fell ill - I prayed, fell down - I prayed. And my prayers were always answered with an apt solution. God helps mothers. A lot. 

A - Ask what they want... think... feel...    Asking questions make children feel important. It will help them form clear opinions and voice them with confidence. They will know who to turn to when they are in trouble - Not their friends but their parents. Just because your child doesn't complain doesn't mean he/she is fine. Ask and then wait patiently and listen to what they have to say. As a rule - don't judge them based on what they share with you. 

R - Respect them Respect them as individuals. Don't talk down to them.They also feel insulted when hit in a public place, irritated when they are hungry... If what they do is unreasonable explain things to them and convince them. Don't show the power of your muscles or vocal chords to get short term, immediate results. If you don't respect them when they are young and dependent on you, they wont respect you when you are old and dependent on them. 

E - Encourage them Minimize name calling, fault finding and find something good about them and praise them often. Catch them doing good and shower praises. Breeze over small mistakes. But of course correct them firmly with moral issues. The trick is to make them responsible for their behavior and choices at the same time showing them clearly that they are loved beyond measure. Also entertainment is not parenting. I have seen fathers simply hand over their mobiles for their children to play with and not bother spending time with them. Educating is not parenting either. I have also seen mothers who can coax their 2 year old to say A to Z and Jan to Dec but have no say over their children's tantrums or hopeless social behavior. 

N- Nurture a good marriage If the home front is full of shouting and fights the child will grow into an emotional wreck, no matter how pampered he/she is. And when they are old enough to have friends they'd lean and trust their own peers than they do their parents. If you are married and you have a child it is your responsibility to love your spouse, communicate and work out differences and stand united in front of your child. Children place an unusual importance in knowing that their parents love each other. 

T - Teach through example Be what you want your child to be. Preaching wont work. Children are under estimated when it comes to how much they can observe. Parents can live in an imaginary world where all their negative habits and swear words are invisible and inaudible to their child. Then one day they'll be jolted to reality when their five year old does exactly what they do in front  of the disapproving visitors. 

It is not enough if children are well dressed/ well behaved and so on. Pouring in the right values at the right age is most important. Observe your children (it takes time but is worth the effort) and train them in the way they should go. And when they grow old they'd know what path they should choose. God bless. 

To the readers

I don’t know what to tell you guys. I haven’t posted once in the past three weeks and yet you guys keep on checking in! You guys are the BEST!! I truly don’t know how to thank you all. You keep the blog alive! And I draw a lot of strength from you guys. Although we don’t know each other by our real names there is definitely a cord of mutual encouragement, love and sharing that exists through this blog for me. I wish I can thank each one of my readers in person but this must suffice, I guess. :)

Its been a soul searching month for me. For many reasons. But one of the immediate effects was I stopped writing for a while. But thank God I am back in track and with new lessons learnt. :) 

Soar with Joy

When you go to sleep at night what thoughts enter your head? Are they about negative things that happened to you or positive upbeat thoughts? More often than not it is the former (We’ll admit this if we are honest)… :)

Man is made for relationships. So no wonder the identity of a man is defined by how he perceives himself, how others perceive him and how he thinks others perceive him. (All of these opinions may differ from what he actually is. But that’s another story). People are not angels. Simply put we all are imperfect and slightly confused individuals. So if you form an opinion about yourself from three different imperfect, slightly confused inputs you’ll certainly end up not liking yourself. :) And if you don’t like yourself you’ll not allow anyone around you to like their own selves. If you are unhappy you won’t affirm anyone else’s happiness.

In a high proximity environment like ours everyone will have opinions about everyone else. How to feel happy about yourself in a world that constantly picks at you? If a considerable amount of people criticize you, you’ll probably start believing the lies they say about you. This is a red alert situation; one that needs to be dealt with.

The Bible emphasizes at two places (maybe more but I know of two) that you have to become like little children to enter the kind of life God has kept for you. We think children are naïve and need us for guidance but God teaches grown men keeping little children as examples. There are certain things that little children do, that we don’t and don’t, that we do.

1) Little children don’t go on and on dissecting negative incidents until they go crazy and depressed

2) They can quickly forget what happened to them down to the last couple of minutes

3) Their memories are full of where the chocolates are hidden, what rewards had been promised to them for good behavior, when their birthday is coming up and who will give what gifts and so on. In short their memories are saturated with positive, hope filled issues

4) They forgive quickly and hence are not scarred. If you shout at children they might be hurt for a while but once you calm down they’ll come right back as though nothing happened. They’ll not plan to get back at you on a different occasion or sulk for days together. Their time is too precious to be wasted on such activities

5) They have very positive opinions about themselves and they don’t care two hoots if anyone thinks otherwise :). If you scold a child groundlessly she wouldn’t think of ways to somehow change and get approval from you. Instead she would leave you and spend time with people who adore her. Her world will not be shaken by one negative opinion

6) They are quick learners. I have seen adults who have problems sending a SMS. But children!! They can figure out ipads, ipods, tablets you name it. They are thrilled easily and they are never too lazy to learn anything new that can add value to their lives

7) They watch good movies. Where the heroine is a brave heart and can stand up for herself and her people. The hero is a hard working young man who respects women and gives his heart to only one lady and he treats her like a princess all his life :)

Courtesy : http://samlim.deviantart.com/

8) They remain the same everywhere. They hardly have any prejudice. I have seen little children speak with exactly the same indulgence with the CO of a ship and the amma cleaning their rooms back home

9)  They don’t take life too seriously 

10) They CELEBRATE their victories however small. They don’t ignore their triumphs to plan for their next big conquest. They truly live in the now – where the real life is happening

There is indeed a lot we can learn from children :)

Be a leader

The word “leader” always invokes a mental image of a very strong person, looking determinedly into the horizon. He has a purpose and a lot of people working towards a common cause.

Well he’s not the one I am talking about. I am talking about normal people like you and me.

My first definition of a leader is a person who can bring out the best in people including his/her own self. That is, they go and take charge of their future, put in maximum efforts and thrust into the journey towards their goal.

This I assumed was a good enough definition of a leader. But was it?  

Many strong people who have everything by the world’s definition are wrecks inside simply because they have no hope. They crave for love and encouragement but sadly receive very little. The world around us doesn’t function this way any longer. People don’t always give us love and encouragement. Many people don’t have the time or the inclination. And many don’t know what we are undergoing and hence they remain aloof. So, that means we have to look for a constant source of love and encouragement. And Thank God that He has provided that, just the same way He has provided oxygen, food, water and sleep.

God Himself is the source for Love. The Bible says, For God so loved the world He gave His only begotten son to die for us, so that whoever believes in Him may not perish but have eternal life. This is just one of the six hundred and odd verses that talk about love in the Bible. I am convinced that God is madly in love with you and me. :) But sometimes we may not always feel His love. So, mark out people who love you. Stay in constant touch with these people so you don’t run out of your supply of love. This is a conscious choice, because we tend to give more attention to people who trample us and take people who love us for granted; when it should have been the other way round.

The second basic necessity of life encouragement can also be received from God. The next person who must encourage you all the time is – yourself. After all you spend maximum time with yourself more than anybody else. So when you get up in the morning don’t wait for something inspiring to happen. Or something exciting to come and hit you so you feel happy. More often than not there are more things to bring you down than there are to lift you up. So it is your responsibility to have a positive attitude.

It is also nice if you can take the responsibility to help people around you to gain a positive attitude.   This will definitely make you a leader. So in addition to my definition - A leader is also “A person who can plant hope right into the hearts of the people who seek” (Dr. David Yonggi Cho in the book 4^th dimensional living in a 3 dimensional world).

So you who are reading this – check yourself. Mark out the people who you can influence and make it your everyday habit to bless them, plant hope in their hearts, give them a sense of purpose in their lives, and don’t forget to do all of the above to your own self, too. Many want to follow but few are born to lead. How about you?

Be not afraid to change

Infants hate change. They love to cling to familiar people and familiar environment. They grow pretty scared and upset with even the slightest change. Sometimes this spills into adulthood. We have set patterns and routines. For eg. Some of us have cupboards overflowing with clothes but end up wearing the same few dresses over and over again because we imagine it “suits” us. Familiar things give us a sense of safety. But between the two which one would you like to have as a middle name – safety or adventure?

So, be not afraid to change……

1)      Your dreams What happens when you have to change your life’s dream? Say you wanted to be a doctor and ended up being a pharmacist, an army officer but ended up being an architect or a fashion designer and ended up being a home maker... Is it the end of the world? ; Of course not! Sometimes what you thought you should do might have been just because “everybody else is doing it”. These dreams will never have the necessary fuel to come to fruition. You’ll keep talking about it but you won’t get it done. (Sounds familiar?) So, if there are plans/ dreams that are going stale in your closet, dump them. It is the old adage; don’t spend your time looking at a door that won’t open, that you don’t notice the door that is standing wide open. Find what works for you and keep doing it diligently. Don’t worry about what people would think – People are just people NOT God.

2)      You  There is one more transformation you shouldn’t be afraid to make. The changes you must make to adapt to a new environment. Say, you are from a place where no one cared how you dressed/ what you ate/ how you socialized etc., and then you land up in the upscale environment of Navy. Don’t be an infant clinging to old patterns. Change; not your principles, rather your persona. (Your character is what will remain with you throughout eternity. So don’t mess with that.) But the way Navy hones your personality is truly rich. Don’t miss the opportunity. The quicker you adapt to Navy the easier it is on your hubby who I am sure you want to please. And the end results are always the best.

A small tip - One sure shot way of pushing useless repetition out of your life is - Doing at least one thing you have never done before, every week. This way your life would have variety and you’ll be the change in your area of influence. 

Let Go and Let it be

Humans have this innate instinct to be in control. What is wanting to be in control? – Have power over, be in command, direct etc., I define being in control as ‘Wanting to be God’ :) We want control over the people we love; we want surety that they will give us support; we want control over our lives and make sure nothing goes wrong; and when we are a little too young we also want everything and we want all that right here, right now; we worry about what people think of us; we worry if we have been everywhere and accomplished everything and so on :)

The fact is, God has given but a little control in our hands. The ability to choose - This is all we have. What happens as the result of our choices is beyond human comprehension leave alone control.

It is as though, we are put on earth to just find our place and do our job, make choices every single day and that is it! The Bible says, through worrying about tomorrow you cannot even make a single strand of your hair grow. Being in control is the opposite of the very nature of our existence. We can be leaders, responsible, accountable, pioneers but never in full control. Full control is God’s work. You and I can simply follow what is right and keep doing it. Of course, we can dream and think positive. We can project a bright future in our minds and see it take place in reality after a while but we can never control how our dreams get fulfilled. That is again, God’s work :)

At times when my thinking is running faster than light I stop and feel the pulse in my left wrist with the fingers on my right hand. My pulse goes pretty steady. Evenly spaced, small pulses that show I am alive, my body is functioning fine and I am healthy. This simple exercise puts an abrupt end to my controlling attitude. I realize that I cannot control my OWN heart. I don’t tell my heart to beat at a certain rate, make sure the blood reaches all the parts of my body and blah blah blah. Boy! Am I glad I am not responsible for all this intricate stuff! If I was handed the job of controlling my heart I would have done a pretty shoddy work and killed myself by now :) I actually rejoice that a God who is FAR more intelligent and perfect than me is running the show from behind the scenes.

Although we don’t have full power, the power of personal choice is real and available to us. We are actually capable of making counter-conscience wrong choices and land up in hell. This is why being connected to your heart is important. Being aware of what is right and wrong, and choosing right is important. Constantly analyzing and correcting the path that you've chosen is important.

If there are things in your life that aren't working the way you’d like them to, please don’t go crazy trying to fix them. If there are things to be changed in you, then change them. Do your best. Beyond that, let go and let it be. In the light of a calm heart, which is conscience driven, you will find the solution kept for your problem by God. Wait until then. God bless.

Need of the hour – Self esteem

Every individual in this world is valuable because he/she is a unique creation of God. No two people can be exactly alike on this earth.

That means YOU ARE ONE OF A KIND in 7 billion people.

God created you and put you here on earth to be you. If God wanted you to be someone else, He simply would have made you that person. So, self esteem should come naturally to you and in fact God expects you to feel good about yourself.

Two Self Esteem Killers

1)    Comparison with others

Honestly? Useful work gets done ONLY if we refuse to compare ourselves with each other. God must be as amused seeing humans compare themselves, as we would be if Dory and Marlin forget their quest to find Nemo and instead start bickering over whose fins look longer and color is catchier and some such nonsense

2)    Fear

Fear can enter a woman very easily. Parents can instill it in us, older siblings or irresponsible care givers, dominating teachers, controlling fathers, mothers or fathers in law, mothers in law, male chauvinistic fathers or husbands, the list is endless. Yet the answer to it remains the same – You cannot allow fear to continue ruling your life.

To come out of something that has long haunted us we must define it in a way that makes us hate it. So my personal definition of fear is – Inability to enjoy life

This is a true story - If a fearful person goes to the beach all he can think about is the car getting stolen or a sudden tsunami. If a fearful person gets married all she can think about is whether her husband will stay with her or leave her. If she goes to a party she would be worried whether her dress looks fine or if everyone likes her and so on and on and on. 

I don’t want to live like a scared Chicken all my life. I want to be bold and free like an Eagle. The choice lies in my hand as it does in yours.

Few Pointers..

1)    Avoid people who mistreat you. The basic human right is – Live and let live. If this is violated we are hardly a civilization. Continue to respect and help such people BUT never give them the chance to pollute your mind. (That is – by holding any grudge or thoughts of revenge)

2)  Try to overcome unnatural fears that strike at times. Eg: If you are afraid to do something, simply do it even if you feel afraid. Once the job gets done there is no ground for the fear to stay

3)    Keep a tab on your thoughts. Negative thoughts are addictive just like harmful drugs. I try to think Bible verses as much as possible whenever I catch myself thinking negatively

4)    It is good to come out of your little world and help others. People around you also have fear, pain and frustration just like you. Help them and in the process you will be uplifted

5)    Do something new every day. Shake things up. Let adventure be your middle name

6)    Don’t fear man. People sometimes behave like buffoons ready to jump through rings that others hold out for them. They can put up with a lot of nonsense dished out to them. Please do know that other people also have FAULTS. So how are they better than you?

7)    Don’t be an average in many things. Be amazing in one thing. (Recap post named – “Focus”)

8)    Take your baby steps in overcoming fear. It won’t be easy. You may trip a lot just like babies do. But eventually you will experience the freedom that accompanies courage and optimism. You will be a soaring eagle too  

Always remember Self Esteem is your birthright.

(I hope I can write some more on this topic as I continue to learn. My sincere prayer is - No one reading this blog should lack self esteem or miss enjoying the wonderful gift called life. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Do continue writing in and bolster my Self Esteem too ;) )