Indian Navy Home Makers - Part 1 (Not for the newlyweds)

This post is NOT for newlyweds or the about to be married :) Sorry young ladies. You MAY read on. These are very serious topics and you'll probably not be able to relate to what I am writing or you might think "Oh this can never happen in my life". So please let me spare you the trouble. :) 

Married for a year or more ladies - I hope this series of posts help you :)

If you are anything like me you would have gotten married to your guy because you were hopelessly, head over heels in love with him. You wouldn’t have thought about the practical implications or if you did, you probably disregarded it in exchange of love. 

Most women enter marriage and get to keep at least 60% of their previous lives. But for Naval wives it is minus 100%. Unless you had a defense officer dad/brother you'll feel like your life has been turned upside down and then inside out. :) 

A typical navy year starts with – A phone call. Your life is dictated by transfers. This decides a lot of things. Where you'll go, what climatic conditions you have to stay in, how quickly you need to vacate your present house, how many bedrooms your house has (in naval terms – an A or B or C Type accommodation), whether your husband gets to be with you or not (refit ship or ‘just coming out of MR’ ship); sometimes it even plays a part in whether your husband gets to see the birth of your first child or develop from an infant to a toddler. 

(I have nothing against the person deciding on officer’s transfers. :) BUT as a young wife I really dreaded these transfers as much as I did the bogey monsters under my bed as a child.)

The following are a couple of common results of having such an unpredictable lifestyle 

1)           Loneliness followed by

2)         Depression. 

No one spoke to me about these things. But I’ve observed, even underwent and overcome these things in my life and I wish to share what I have learned. 

PLEASE TAKE NOTE – This post touches exclusively on the extreme negative aspect of this unpredictable lifestyle. Do take time to read the whole series and also my yet to be published post – “The UpSiDe of the UpBeAt naval life”. Reading the current post alone will cause you to see navy through a small distorted hole which is nowhere near the real beautiful picture.

Why does loneliness enter in an Indian Navy Wife’s life?

 a) Husband sails a lot and  

b) Neighbors are hard to mingle with (different culture/language/interests) or

c) You may be a reserved person or

d) No neighbors! (Rare condition but I have lived near empty houses simply because my neighbors went home for their studies/delivery. And on another unfortunate occasion our accommodation was FAR from the next building)

 

Loneliness coupled with stress leads to depression. This stress can be caused by too much work (say like taking care of two kids on your own) or too little work (you have been a busy career woman and suddenly you are at home with no work and no identity except being Mrs. So and So)

I have seen some worst case effects of depression.

1)             Psychological changes

a.          Person goes into a quiet non-interactive state - melancholic

b.          Once you get them talking they spit out bitterness, complaints, pain or self pity

c.         Sometimes person starts speaking A LOT. In a sense you can’t get them to shut up.

d.           Complains/gossips a lot. Lot of negative talk.

e.    They cannot pay attention to what you are saying because their mind is occupied with 100 different things. And when you stop speaking they’ll continue speaking about an irrelevant topic.

f.               In rare cases they’ll be very hurtful, critical of everyone including you.

g.            Seeks attention in wrong ways - from other men/internet etc.,

h.            They’ll perpetually paint a “oh the world is big, black and horrible” picture.

2)         Physical changes

a.            Stays indoors a lot

b.            Eats/sleeps/watches TV/movies A LOT

c.             Laziness and no proper use of time.

d.           Sometimes loses weight by working out insanely (that’s good in a way)

e.             Seems perpetually on the verge of breaking down

3)         This is a separate category altogether. The worst case scenario – ANGER

My understanding of anger is – It’s a Bomb. Once it’s ignited it either explodes on the people around it or is contained and destroys the person who is holding it. I am not a psychologist. I am simply writing all this based on observation and personal experience. So please forgive me if I am inaccurate.

Now that I have given a picture of how bad it can get. In my following posts I will be giving simple solutions that go a long way . Keep reading. :)