Valentine’s Day represents one of
the most sought after treasure in this world – Love.
In my opinion, we reap only what
we’ve sown.
So when people (I mean those who
are above 30 years of age. I consider the twenties to be still in the learning
phase) complain to me that they aren’t loved or respected; I wonder what they’d
sown. More often than not you can see ALL their actions concerning others
involved HUGE doses of – selfishness, emotional aloofness, anger, dirty words,
pretensions, lies etc., and these are the ones who want to yield a crop of love
and acceptance. This is strange but true.
Lack of quality time spent with
family can make a good marriage into a ‘gone marriage’. There are many phases
in Indian Navy where the husband and wife go days without seeing each other.
Maintaining a healthy marriage relationship in Navy is indeed a challenge.
That’s why this post to share a little bit of time tested formulas for a loving
healthy marriage.
Communication
This seems obvious. But it can come as a surprise that in the early
days of marriage many people suffer silently because of their unmet needs.
Well, all I can say is your husband / wife is NOT a mind-reader. Your
father/mother may know what you want before you can voice it out, because they
have seen you for 20-25 years. Your spouse needs time to know your needs. They
may be nice to others (that they know for a longer time than they know you) but
can hurt you unknowingly, simply because they don’t know what you need. So
Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.
Honesty
It’s a proven fact that secrets =
walls. Secrets between couples are walls. Some things can be shared in the
first year of marriage. Some things take a few years. But get it out. It may be
difficult at first to come clean to your spouse. But when you expect 100%
honesty from your better half do know that they expect and deserve the same
from you.
Improve the quality of time spent
together if the quantity is less
There were years in my life when
I got to see my husband for just a few days in a month. When we were young or
rather naïve we spent those few days fighting because we were so frustrated at
being separated for long periods of time. But then we grew some brains and put
our frustrations off and started TRULY enjoying the time we got with each
other. We became die-hard romantics all over again. Impromptu candle light
dinners, night drives in empty roads, long walks all became a part of the time
we had together. My husband was excellent in planning trips. He would get the
best places to visit and hotels to stay in. And thus annual leave was not
wasted in sitting at home and watching TV. Instead we ended up having our
third, fourth and fifth honeymoons (with our child in tow). Every time I came
back from my mom’s place he would receive me at the airport/train station with
a beautiful bunch of flowers and a big smile. When he went on extra long
sailing I kept little encouraging notes in different places of his baggage and
he would make a call whenever possible even if it was just for 120 seconds over
a satellite phone. Over the years it was these little-extras which kept our
relationship intact. Never take your spouse for granted. Any extra hug, extra
love, unexpected compliments - simple seeds sown, will reap a harvest of love,
joy and peace for many years.
Shared activities
Husbands love to have their wives
not just as their partners in life but also in watching their favorite movies,
playing tennis, gym, watching playoffs and so on. Many wives don’t know this.
They cook and let their husbands sit lonely or go out with friends. I was one
among them too. But it came as a surprise when I realized that my husband
actually wanted me with him doing things that he enjoys. Now I don’t miss a
chance :)
Husbands need admiration and
respect for who they are
Many of us can lose sight of this
important fact. Make sure you convey your admiration and respect to your
husband. Any slighting gesture or tone can put off a man very easily. On the
contrary, respect and admiration drives them to be their best. One more tip –
Don’t EVER disobey him in front of someone unless you know for sure he is just
joking. Husbands feel greatly insulted if their wives disregard them in front
of others (even unknowingly). If you need to say no tell him that you need a
private conversation. This is a simple truth that I wish someone had taught me
earlier.
Wives need love, adoration and
respect for what they feel
I added this here in case there
are any husbands reading in. Your wife needs to be treated like a princess. She
was definitely treated that way by her dad. So if you neglect her you are never
going to match up to her parental love. This is dangerous in a marriage. Wives
can easily become detached if they are hurt for too long and they’ll simply
fall back into the shelter of their loving parents. This is an unhealthy
situation for a marriage. Don’t bottle up your expectations. Tell her what you
need – better food, better home atmosphere, better whatever AND give her the
time to learn and grow into the person you want her to be. Just remember that if
she was her daddy’s little princess she needs to be the queen of your kingdom.
Keep off habits that sabotage
marriage
Filthy talk / movies, extravagant
spending, too many parties, wrong friends, smoking, drinking, gluttony, lying –
anything that causes frequent fights. CHANGE THE HABIT. Your marriage is much
more precious than simple habits which give temporary pleasure.
Keep off people who are experts
in killing a good marriage
You can identify such people from
the way they talk about their spouses. Either they don’t mention their spouses
in their conversations / when they do they have only bitter angry words. They
will eat up your time and not care whether you to spend time with your
husband/wife. No matter how good they appear to be or how senior they are to
you (even your immediate boss) my advice is stay away from such people. In a
Naval environment time spent with family is very precious.
Be confident of who you are
(ladies)
By this I mean, you don’t have to
be Miss. Universe to satisfy your husband. You need to be the BEST you.
Remember you are lovely and a unique creation of God. If you were a beautiful
dancer or singer or writer or programmer or designer before marriage continue
being that way even as someone’s wife. Don’t throw all those things that define
you, out of the window when you marry someone. Indian women have a way of
depending on their husbands for EVERYTHING! From going to the beauty parlor to
getting the groceries they assume they can’t do anything without their better
half. It is ok if the husbands are around and are actually eager to help out.
What about those husbands who like their wives to be bold and self-sufficient.
Such husbands feel gagged when they have to run for each and everything.
Husbands are not EVERYTHING (that is friend, philosopher, guide, superman AND
your best friend). It would be nice if that was true. But Only God can be all
that. Your husband is simply human.
Don’t take independent decisions
No matter how little the decision
is – if it involves your spouse then take time to consult him/her. For
instance, someone invites you out for dinner don’t be an extra nice person and
say “yes” immediately. Say “I’ll check with my spouse”. This is a little
example. This goes for major and minor decisions. Putting up such a united
front keeps the family safe and intact.
Don’t try to change anyone
A lot of people just waste their
good years trying to change their spouses. They become miserable wrecks. Why?
That is because only God can change people. You and I can pray, definitely set
a good example and just enjoy our spouses as they are. It is wise not to wait
for the elusive day when they’ll become perfect in all ways and THEN start
enjoying your dear spouse :)
There is never a good time than
now to stop worrying and start enjoying life. Give some time for the harvest to
appear. For now simply keep sowing seeds of love everywhere you go. God bless.
Happy Valentine's Week !!
Hey Dear, Nice post & what a blog make over!!!! loved it :) n i really liked u took my suggestion sporting & came up with all new blog avatar :). keep coming with new posts, I'm always awaiting for it.
ReplyDeleteLOVE
Shivangi
Thanks for the compliment dear. You gave me a reason to put in the time and effort to bring this about, in the middle of my over tight schedule :) So with due credit, I declare the motivating energy behind the blog makeover - Shivangi :)
DeleteTHE BLOG IS VERY NICE....I AM JUST LIKE U..MEAN LIKE YOU WERE IN YOUR EARLY DAYS...I WOULD LEARN A LOT FROM YOUR EXPERIENCE.. THANX FOR SHARING :)
ReplyDeleteSure ! Anytime :)
DeleteThanks Anshu :). Yeah.. the bear-hug sounds great! You are such a lovable lady!! Keep writing in dear..
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