The Art of Helping Others

Many times I see women helping others quite willingly. They sacrifice, they reach out, hug and comfort and cook and clean just so things can become a little easy for the other person. But I wonder at what point they deviate from being helpers to……… I am unable to get the right word……. High handedness, maybe. They assume somehow that they have to be treated nicely by the person they’d helped. By nice, I mean that person should not mind having them over at his/her place any time of the day, should be willing to do whatever they ask them to, sometimes even expect to be hero/heroine worshiped by this person; Makes me feel so bad when I see such people.

The only valid reason behind helping a person must be – “I am in a position to help so I help”. It cannot be “Oh this person will like me more/ I will look nice in front of others/ I feel like a BIG person when I do this/ I am a super achiever I can fulfill everybody’s needs”. It is strange how much junk people carry behind their seemingly simple gestures of help. All this junk comes out when they start cribbing about the person they'd helped. Whenever I have to listen to that all I can think is – “Why do they get so emotionally attached? And what is the meaning of their ‘selfless’ gesture if they are expecting something back?”

I was a culprit too in a different genre. I always felt that when I was so truthful to people they should be truthful to me too. But lately I have begun to understand that’s not the way the world works. I do have my family and a few friends who are point blank and straight forward with me and I respect them a lot. But there are also people who have layers and layers of deception upon them and I have learnt to recognize it (albeit a little painfully). I am slowly learning to maintain emotional distance from the second category.

Coming back to the original point, help should always be done with no strings attached. If the people you helped were benefited because of you – great. If they said thank you – great. If they appeared to have forgotten you the next time you see them – be a big heart, shrug and say “No Problem”. :)

I have heard that a good relationship must have mutual trust, concern and respect. Such relationships are what we all should strive for. And these relationships begin and continue only between people who are like minded, have the same set of principles and approach towards life. Such relationships don’t always happen between givers and receivers of help. So in case you helped someone and they left you don’t run behind them. In case you were greatly helped by someone, then look for opportunities to help them but don’t feel that you are attached / obligated to them. 

Simple concept; saves a lot of time and emotional energy. God bless.

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By the way on a totally different line - I realized that I am not actually writing a lot about Navy life for the brides to be. Lot of my writing has shifted to what my friend correctly put as - Creative Writing. :) So I am going to write something about Navy and weddings in my next post. Just a heads up. God bless.