Hold on to your dream

I intended to write about overcoming anger but was inspired to write this instead. Let me begin with a small story I heard when I was a child. A princess gets cursed by a witch and is put to sleep. The only way the spell gets broken is by true love’s first kiss. After a lot of hurdles and a climax fight with the witch the prince finally kisses the princess and she wakes up. They get married and they live happily ever after.

Sounds familiar?

Well I grew up say 2.2 decades thinking this is exactly how my life would be when I meet my Prince Charming. Three days into my marriage I decided to sue the man who wrote the book. Happily ever after??!?! Who was he kidding? Either the man was a bachelor all his life or was a sadist. (Humor intended).

I have a very good married life but it did not happen in a day!! I had to work really REALLY hard to get my marriage to what it is now. I had to change a lot of myself and my hubby contributed a lion’s share and now we are at a stage where we can truly call ourselves happily married.

The reason I quoted this example here is everything in life starts with trials. When we go through trials we come out stronger. If we know this beforehand it can save us a lot of crying, complaining, throwing tantrums, “Why me” questions and “How to get out of this as quickly as possible” questions.

When we grow up as pampered kids it is very easy to think “Life is easy and I’ll get my way always”. Our parents can really set us up for trouble when they pamper us too much. And if you are marrying a naval officer let me assure you, you would have some serious growing up to do.

But that doesn't mean one thing – Giving up on your dream.

Life can be tough at times. It is easy to think, “Alright nothing is ever going to go my way so let me stop trying”. Even if you overcome this thought pattern there is always the friendly enemy who says “hey you are not fit for that” or “that is so impractical, don’t even try it” or “you were so useless till now, what makes you think you’d succeed?” or some equally encouraging statements.

The point of this post is to encourage you to – Find your dream, nurture it, allow life to teach you its lessons and in the end get to see your dream come to fruition.

Finding your dream

Many people spend their lives earning money to buy what they don’t want, to impress the people they don’t like. Life is limited. Even with medical advances and healthy lifestyle we all can touch only ten decades. I pray that God will direct you to a very clear non-corrupted-by-the-world dream.

We all would like to be shooting stars. Fast, flashy, attractive, something everyone looks at in awe and admiration. But a shooting star is of no use to anyone. It is the non-glamorous, reliable star – The Sun which is useful. It always gives light, warmth, life sustenance and much more. God always has a purpose for your life that will bless you and make you a blessing for others. Choose what you want to be – a shooting star or a sun.

Nurturing your dream – This means not letting it lie around carelessly. It means not getting so preoccupied with settling in life that you forget to live it. It means turning a deaf ear to people who have stopped believing in their dreams. You have a dream; you better hold onto it.

Allow life to teach you its lessons – Nothing good comes without a high price. When God has put a dream in your heart He also has some costly lessons to teach you before you achieve it. Whenever a difficult situation arises instead of becoming restless to get out of it – Ask if there is a lesson in it for you to learn.

This is where you and I can get SO DOWN by our circumstances that we can hardly move forward. But the truth is - while we are concerned about how fast we get the things we want, God is concerned about how strong we grow to do the things we were created for. Remember God creates the mushroom in a day but he takes years to create the mighty oak.

Once you start learning from life you will also discover – you were made for others. This is a very counter-culture idea, not so popular in the world. The world says “Take it. You deserve it” but God says “Give. Do to others as you would have them do to you”. Great souls that lived on this world had two things in common – One, they went through tremendous struggles before they saw their dreams come true. Two, they always lived for others.

Trust me when I say this. If you honestly set yourself to help others God will somehow give you opportunities to do it. None of your good works go unnoticed by God. In fact the good works that you do in secrecy, that you receive no appreciation for; these are the works that will fetch maximum rewards from God. Only you can do the work God has kept for you. Nobody else is perfectly equipped like you. If you don’t do it, it would never get done.

Ever wondered why we weren't given wings to fly? It is because God never intended us to do it all and have it all. He intended us to live a simple, sincere, God-fearing life in the sphere of influence that we have. He intended us to search Him out and find Him, not be busy living the high life.

When we get what we dreamed of; we would realize that the dream was not the most important thing but the journey it took to reach there. Our character is what will remain with us throughout eternity; not our wealth, career or contacts. So as God the great sculptor molds you and makes you through life’s lessons, be patient and remember to hold onto your dream.

Happy Journey.

How to overcome anger

My understanding of anger is – It’s a Bomb. Once it’s ignited it either explodes on the people around it or is contained and destroys the person who is holding it.

Anger may be lit up by any of the following sparks

1)    Anger because things aren’t going the way you want them to

2)    Anger because you are doing a LOT of work which no one seems to notice or appreciate

3)    Anger because people keep on hurting you even when you have the best intentions for them

The truth is - you cannot avoid situations or people that trigger anger in you but you CAN CHOOSE to not ignite the anger bomb

Like all emotions, anger also creates some changes in you - Weakened immune system, digestive problems/stomach sensitivity, headache, stress and ALL its consequences, hypertension/blood pressure, plain unhappiness and so on. No one should be suffering this way. We all should find a way out to be healed and brought back to mental, emotional and physical equilibrium.

Masking anger is NOT going to help. Masking can be –

1)     You are really angry but you choose to APPEAR calm

2)    You direct the anger into your child/maid who cannot reply back to you

3)    You internalize it and fall into a pattern of addiction (which reads self-destruction)

4)    You start believing the rubbish people tell about you and fall into self condemnation (that is believing that they call you a dog because you ARE a dog)

5)    Revenge (Very common attitude)

6)    Depression, isolation

7)    Arrogance

8)    Sudden unnatural fit of rage (eg., shouting like a mad lion at a driver who cut across your lane)

9)    Always criticizing others

10)  Compulsive speakers (can’t stop speaking)

Again not an exhaustive list but covers whatever I know of as common masks for anger.

Even if you are not suffering from anger please take time to read this and help out a person you know who has any of the above mentioned symptoms.

In this post I am touching on how to resolve anger caused by people who are hurting you even when you have the best intentions for them. Human emotions are really fragile (no matter how strong we think we are) and when we are hurt we also need to be healed. All the steps I mentioned below may seem simple but it is very important to go through and finish each phase.

1)    Cleanse any residual foreign body

2)    Keep affected area away from further hurt

3)    Apply soothing lotion

4)    Test and see if area affected is healed to resume normal activity

1)    Cleanse from any residual foreign body

When people speak to us they are essentially giving us words. These words can build us up or tear us down. Eg., If I say “you are stupid” in front of ten people in a party those three words and the humiliation will stay with you even after you go home. This is the residual foreign body I am talking about.

Removing it means – Forgive

I would suggest that you get alone somewhere and give vent to all the anger – by shouting, throwing things, using all the words that you want to use. Go on doing this until you feel less and less angry. You can write a letter and burn it too. After doing this, sit down and cry if you want to but say aloud “I forgive so and so for doing this to me”

Once we forgive somehow the words we heard fade away from our memories :) They stop being shrapnel in our flesh which can cause hurt and MORE damage than the initial impact.

2)    Keep affected area away from further hurt

This is a very important aspect of healing. Forgiveness does not mean that you trust the person again. Trust takes time to build. The people who hurt you must show consistent CHANGED-FOR-THE-BETTER behavior before you can trust them. So stay away from them if they continue to hurt you. But in case you end up meeting them repeat step 1 ASAP and allow healing time for emotions. You respect your emotions and yourself and never waver from it, then slowly people will follow suit.

3)    Apply soothing lotion

Take time off after a negative phase to listen to good music, read good books, and speak to people who love you, respect you and care about you. Simply do the things you love doing.

4)    Test and see if affected area is healed to resume normal activities

If we broke a leg and it has been in a cast. What would we do the first thing once the cast is removed? We will definitely not go for a marathon race :) Similarly if you get to meet the person speak as little as possible; see if you can change the way they speak to you. If they continue to hurt you, see if you are able to brush it off and forgive easily. These are tests to see how stronger you are getting at resisting anger.

Hope this post helped you. I will write about how to overcome anger caused when things don’t happen the way you want them to, in my next post.

How to overcome depression

Marie curie said – “Nothing is to be feared it is only to be understood”

Depression – Usually starts as a negative thought

If you can just understand this you will have more control over your emotions going hay wire. Depression is not something you have to live with. In fact you were born to have a bountiful life. All God has made is for humans to enjoy. Nothing or no one should rob us from this right.

Since this is a very important topic – I hope you all will continue to write to me about specific issues that you need advice for. Believe me when I say this – someone out there is going through exactly what you are undergoing. If you learn how to come out of the trap door called depression, you can help out someone who needs comfort and support. We are not stand alone creatures who live life on their own islands. We all are created to do to others as we would have them do to us.

Mind is the seat of all thoughts. To overcome negative thoughts you need to REPLACE it with positive ones.  This is called “renewing your mind”. This is why reading positive books is VERY important – I suggest books by Joyce Meyer. This woman has really been used by God to help millions come out of depression and other issues.

As I said – Words are very powerful. Any human knows that thoughts are made of words. A negative thought comprises of negative words. A positive thought comprises of positive words. I know that this is the obvious. But I’m stating this explicitly so that you understand that dealing with depression comes down to WHAT WORDS comprise your thoughts.

Let me explain my point more clearly.  Just read the following words.

Suicide, Accident, Betrayal, BOI (that’s board of enquiry), Long sailing ;)

Do you feel good right now?

Now read this….

Happiness, Good-health, Joy, Peace, Romance, Loving loyal husband/wife, Loving in-laws, holidays, friends, financial security, zero calorie chocolates ;)… I could go on…

Now how do you feel?

The reason I am writing this is – overcoming depression is very simple. Simply replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Let me explain, once again, with few examples

Some people can hurt you very badly with their words. I have had my share of insults and taunts and straight-on-the-face mockery and criticism. I overcame all this through Jesus to become the smiling, calm and composed lady that I am. I am not boasting. I believe every human being should have self worth. Each one of us is unique and hence PRECIOUS to God. A story best illustrates how God sees you.

This is the “Twenty dollar bill” story whose author I don’t know. (If one of you knows who the author is please mention the name. I will acknowledge him/her here).

A professor once brought in a twenty dollar bill to his class. He held it up and asked who would want to possess it. All hands shot up. Then he proceeded to crumple it and make it into a really small ball. All creases crisscrossing through the note he held it up and asked once more who would want it. Again all hands shot up. Then he threw the note on the floor and stomped his shoe clad feet on it and said “This is a filthy, no good one dollar fake note”. Then he picked up the soiled, crumpled note and asked who would still want it. And yet again all the hands shot high up in the air. Then he proceeded to say – “Imagine you are the twenty dollar bill and remember this lesson all your lives. No matter what people do to you or say about you, they cannot reduce your value. You are still worthy, you are still wanted, you are still valuable”

Sometimes life’s odds can be really stacked up against you. I read this inspiring story in one of the Chicken Soup for the soul® books. I am not sure of the author. I’ll locate the author’s name ASAP and acknowledge it here.

The story is about a handicapped boy (he walks with braces) who decides to join a racing competition. His mom is skeptical about the whole issue and doesn’t want her son to be hurt. But on his insistence she allows him to participate and stays home not wanting to see her son go through the pain of defeat. She waits for him in the evening and he walks into the house carrying a trophy! The first thought that comes into her head is – “Oh they gave him an easy start”. But then her son changes her perspective within seconds when he says “Mom, I knew everyone had an advantage over me… SO I JUST HAD TO TRY HARDER THAN ALL THOSE IN THE RACE.. And I won”

What an attitude!

How many of us think such thoughts – if only I had a better schooling, better parenting, better looks, better husband/wife, better in-laws, better surroundings, better status, better car, better house, better CO, better sub-ordinates, better colleagues, better neighbors and so on… Reading such stories would help us to take an honest appraisal of our lives and start from where we are and if the odds are stacked against us – Lets just try a little harder and surely we will win :)

How often should you renew your mind?

Do it as often as you require. Every time your mind wanders to negative thoughts replace it with positive ones. I am a Christian. Every time I feel afraid of someone. I repeat this verse from the Bible. “The Lord is my helper. I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me” In times of distress I repeat this verse – “In all things God works for my good” When I feel weak and tired out with my over crowded schedule I use this verse “I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me” and so on.. These are merely a few of the instances from my life. I deal with almost everything this way. And I can honestly say – I am happy

One more cause for depression which can easily be dealt with is

A woman's risk for depression goes up when her body is going through physical and hormonal changes — like after childbirth and when the child is too small and needs constant 24/7 care and attention. Couple this with the frequent transfers in Navy and you have a depressed navy wife

I was one such lady. Now I am not. So the ladies out there going through such difficulties – I have good news. Once your child becomes two or three years old, you will automatically come out depression

But while you are still IN the postpartum phase what do you do?

DON’T OVEREAT - This will be a habit too hard to break, way after you are out of depression

It is Ok to cry even if you are alone but make sure you get up, wash your face, dress up and go out after that

Take help from mom/MIL. If that’s not possible then at least hire a good maid

Have certain things regular in your life no matter what. Like evening walks to a familiar place, Morning Prayer etc., I strongly recommend reading a good book that renews your mind before you start your day

Choose a mentor. If you don’t use the wealth of experience shared by the people who have been on earth before you, you will be wasting a lot of time trying things out the first time and making mistakes. A mentor can be a parent, relative, college senior, a favorite author and so on. There is a lot to learn from our elders. This may sound cliché but their experience holds a wealth of information that we can take advantage of

Exercise is one of the beautiful ways to de-stress. I don’t mean exercise to look thin. I mean the kind that you enjoy doing – I love to walk on my treadmill. This is my ideal route for combining exercise and fun. Exercise releases happy hormones :) If you have never tried this before do it now. Find out which is the best time for you in a day before you embark on a routine

Do something for yourself – facial/pedi/mani/waxing – you name it. May be hit the hair spa. Just take time for yourself and get pampered. And don’t forget you can still look good and dress up well even if you have just had a baby

Hope these tips helped you. God bless..