How to overcome anger

My understanding of anger is – It’s a Bomb. Once it’s ignited it either explodes on the people around it or is contained and destroys the person who is holding it.

Anger may be lit up by any of the following sparks

1)    Anger because things aren’t going the way you want them to

2)    Anger because you are doing a LOT of work which no one seems to notice or appreciate

3)    Anger because people keep on hurting you even when you have the best intentions for them

The truth is - you cannot avoid situations or people that trigger anger in you but you CAN CHOOSE to not ignite the anger bomb

Like all emotions, anger also creates some changes in you - Weakened immune system, digestive problems/stomach sensitivity, headache, stress and ALL its consequences, hypertension/blood pressure, plain unhappiness and so on. No one should be suffering this way. We all should find a way out to be healed and brought back to mental, emotional and physical equilibrium.

Masking anger is NOT going to help. Masking can be –

1)     You are really angry but you choose to APPEAR calm

2)    You direct the anger into your child/maid who cannot reply back to you

3)    You internalize it and fall into a pattern of addiction (which reads self-destruction)

4)    You start believing the rubbish people tell about you and fall into self condemnation (that is believing that they call you a dog because you ARE a dog)

5)    Revenge (Very common attitude)

6)    Depression, isolation

7)    Arrogance

8)    Sudden unnatural fit of rage (eg., shouting like a mad lion at a driver who cut across your lane)

9)    Always criticizing others

10)  Compulsive speakers (can’t stop speaking)

Again not an exhaustive list but covers whatever I know of as common masks for anger.

Even if you are not suffering from anger please take time to read this and help out a person you know who has any of the above mentioned symptoms.

In this post I am touching on how to resolve anger caused by people who are hurting you even when you have the best intentions for them. Human emotions are really fragile (no matter how strong we think we are) and when we are hurt we also need to be healed. All the steps I mentioned below may seem simple but it is very important to go through and finish each phase.

1)    Cleanse any residual foreign body

2)    Keep affected area away from further hurt

3)    Apply soothing lotion

4)    Test and see if area affected is healed to resume normal activity

1)    Cleanse from any residual foreign body

When people speak to us they are essentially giving us words. These words can build us up or tear us down. Eg., If I say “you are stupid” in front of ten people in a party those three words and the humiliation will stay with you even after you go home. This is the residual foreign body I am talking about.

Removing it means – Forgive

I would suggest that you get alone somewhere and give vent to all the anger – by shouting, throwing things, using all the words that you want to use. Go on doing this until you feel less and less angry. You can write a letter and burn it too. After doing this, sit down and cry if you want to but say aloud “I forgive so and so for doing this to me”

Once we forgive somehow the words we heard fade away from our memories :) They stop being shrapnel in our flesh which can cause hurt and MORE damage than the initial impact.

2)    Keep affected area away from further hurt

This is a very important aspect of healing. Forgiveness does not mean that you trust the person again. Trust takes time to build. The people who hurt you must show consistent CHANGED-FOR-THE-BETTER behavior before you can trust them. So stay away from them if they continue to hurt you. But in case you end up meeting them repeat step 1 ASAP and allow healing time for emotions. You respect your emotions and yourself and never waver from it, then slowly people will follow suit.

3)    Apply soothing lotion

Take time off after a negative phase to listen to good music, read good books, and speak to people who love you, respect you and care about you. Simply do the things you love doing.

4)    Test and see if affected area is healed to resume normal activities

If we broke a leg and it has been in a cast. What would we do the first thing once the cast is removed? We will definitely not go for a marathon race :) Similarly if you get to meet the person speak as little as possible; see if you can change the way they speak to you. If they continue to hurt you, see if you are able to brush it off and forgive easily. These are tests to see how stronger you are getting at resisting anger.

Hope this post helped you. I will write about how to overcome anger caused when things don’t happen the way you want them to, in my next post.