My mail id :)

I have added a 'contact me' tab on the top. Please send all the "tricky" questions to my mail id.. :)

And in response to the anonymous query I got but could not publish - "Your choice is correct dear. I think that would fulfill what you want".. God bless. 

Don’t judge yourself

This post is a bit about my life than a general topic. I am just hoping that someone out there can relate to what I am saying and maybe even benefit from it. (Or even write to me and let me know I am not alone in this universe….)

In the recent times I had been introspecting and looking into the motives behind my actions, a lot. I was on the verge of embarking on a new dream that had strong passion on my side. But it was something new and I hadn't seen any of my contemporaries doing it.  So, until I've actually tasted success in this hardly trodden path, self doubts are bound to keep cropping up and they led to a character analysis of sorts, for me.

One character that stood out in my self-analysis was – I was a very contented person all through my life. Through my optimism shaded glasses my life was full and happy. And no one in my surroundings complained about me because I did all the normal things that Indian girls are expected to do.

Of course, when I got married, people were shocked. ALL of them had expected me to marry some NRI and settle abroad. But I loved my country and I loved ships and I loved the Armed Forces. All put together I chose the life I wanted to live.  

But, this self chosen life gave me consequences to face, hard ones at that. I’d given up on a “High Profile Career” and everything that people had considered normal. No wonder from then on I came under the scanner. It was (and still is) almost like people were waiting to see something crazy happening to me. (By people I mean the non-naval crowd). And now as I embarked on my new dream I severely felt a lot of scanner beeps and those laser lights running up and down over me. The worst side effect of this situation was - I was not being a contented person anymore. I was being covetous – I was looking to the left at one person and thinking “Oh I should have done what she’s doing, looong ago” or to the right at another and thinking “This is exactly what I must be doing now”.

Then by God’s grace I started praying rather than thinking; and as always God answered my SOS.  

First He reminded me of an incident – This happened quite a while ago. I was the very young and very over-worked wife (with a growing toddler in tow) of a sailing-like-crazy officer. I was tired almost all the time and I used to cry out of sheer exhaustion. At this time 3 people came into my life. All three had few common traits – putting me down/ hurting me with words/ calling up to nose around in my personal life and so on; All this when I was already in a downtrodden state. It was like getting poked by a hot iron rod in an open wound. For a while I dint understand what the problem was. (Well, maybe I was too tired to analyze). But I realized eventually that they behaved that way because they were jealous of me. One of them dint have a child, one felt I had a better education and social skills than her and one felt that I have gotten a better husband and to add to her woes she was childless. I dint know whether to laugh or cry whenever they behaved cruelly out of jealousy. I mean what state was I in? I felt like a pathetic mess and there were THREE people who could find reasons to be jealous of me. These are people I actually admired. For instance, the first person was a very good looking lady; the second person could make you feel at home in an instant plus had a sense of humor and was good looking and the third person was an amazing hostess. But sadly I was the only one seeing them that way. They on the other hand could only judge themselves in a bad light.

God reminded me through this memory that we should never judge ourselves poorly AND - You must be happy with whatever you have because there is bound to be someone or many people who don’t have what you have. I actually should go and thank these lovable ladies for showing me that my life was worth envying when it seemed like a failure to me. :) (If I had been wiser and less tired back then I would have written pages to them describing all their lovely qualities and helped them get out of the pit they were in. But I missed my chance)

Then one more lesson came this morning. I was trying to do some work online and suddenly went off into Facebook surfing. You know; where you keep typing in some name you know and try to catch a glimpse of what is happening in their lives. As I did that, I noticed, that all the people I knew dint actually live lives that I'd expected them to live. One chubby nerdy girl I knew had transformed into a beautiful damsel who was not working, one beautiful damsel I knew had transformed into a sad lady and she’d no man posing next to her. I could go on. But what I understood is – Life is not easy for anyone and everyone cannot have everything. By the way, who can define what “everything” comprises of? We all are trying to make choices and see where the choices lead us. And right there I got back my contented self. I know what I want to do in my life and I have lived my dream all these years. Pressures may come but some worthless social standard is not going to stop me from living the rest of my dreams out.

Every choice we make comes with pros and cons attached to it. The only thing we can do is – follow our heart and passion. At least on the day we die we’ll know – “I lived my life fully and dint waste any of it living someone else’s dreams”. :)

God Bless. 

 

Enjoy your life

Do you think you deserve to enjoy life? Well, God does! I love the old school hymn “All things bright and beautiful…”. Do take time to look it up. It’s a hymn I sing whenever I feel my life is getting pointless and I have been singing it since 3^rd grade. It describes the beauty of nature around us and how God gave us our senses to admire, relish and enjoy what He has made. I strongly believe God’s mandate for each one of our lives is – we worship our Creator and enjoy His creations while we are here.

God has been communicating to humanity since humans ever walked on this earth. He does that even now. All your dreams, vision for your life, deep yearnings in your heart when you see injustice around you, longing to live life more passionately – All this is from God. He is the creator of your intellect, imagination, intelligence everything that comprises the unique creation – you.

How many of us get up each morning to enjoy life? We can find umpteen reasons to worry, fret, fear, and regret; but enjoy?

Most of our misery comes from yesterday or tomorrow, both of which are out of our control zone. We can imagine that we are going to live forever and that we can control our every single circumstance, but sadly these are just lies. And we don’t have time for that. You better start enjoying life and search for meaning in it than go about dealing seriously with insignificant stuff.

Few practical steps to intentionally enjoy life

1) Raise a little early in the morning and spend the first one hour in solitude. Read positive quotes and books. Navy houses are situated at some of the best locations in India. So make the most of it. Sit in the balcony, watch the sea and just be still. Listen to your heart and write down what you hear. (Don’t fall asleep ;) make sure you have a cup of some hot beverage with you)

2) Write your own story with you as the heroine and all the cool stuff you did in life. You are married to a naval officer, so obviously you must be an interesting personality. You will have a lot to write about yourself. And don’t worry about writing the stupid incidents and people in your life. Just skip them and write the good part. :) Let this be your favorite heart-warming novel that you read often.

3) The world would be a different place if only people understood that “As they think so shall they be”. The most important thing to be guarded more than jewelry and money is this – your mind. An unfocused mind is literally devil’s workshop. I give you permission to deploy the weapon I use against that mind-stealer called satan. I quote relevant verses from the bible. For instance if he puts irrational fear in my mind regarding the safety of my family members I quote psalm 91 or psalm 23, whichever is appropriate. I simply don’t let the joy-stealer enter my mind and occupy it.

All of us have the desire to enjoy life but find little reason to do that. Because we have been taught that we should not be enjoying life rather we should be doing something worthwhile. But the truth is if we don’t enjoy what we do, it can’t be worthwhile. Yes, brains and stamina are needed for work but so is the heart. You don’t have to be miserable to get work done. Simply allow your heart to add meaning to what you are doing and even the most mundane job can become sacred and meaningful and hence worthwhile. We all have our places on this earth. We simply have to find them and start enjoying. God bless. 

How to raise and not race your children

I see women and men alike taking parenting SO lightly. Motherhood cannot be pursued as a side business or something that just happens in the background. Childhood is the time when humans are like wet clay. Mold them with diligence and precision you make something beautiful that glorifies God. Be aloof/ careless you end up with a badly shaped, hardened lump. 

Although there is no full guide for parenting that I know of there are few thumb rules we can all follow..

P -  Pray for your children  I raised my child as a single mother. My husband was sailing most of the time and both my parents and in laws stayed far away. I had no clue what I was doing. So I prayed. If my child threw inexplicable tantrums - I prayed, dint start speaking at the 'right' age - I prayed, dint know how to write - I prayed, fell ill - I prayed, fell down - I prayed. And my prayers were always answered with an apt solution. God helps mothers. A lot. 

A - Ask what they want... think... feel...    Asking questions make children feel important. It will help them form clear opinions and voice them with confidence. They will know who to turn to when they are in trouble - Not their friends but their parents. Just because your child doesn't complain doesn't mean he/she is fine. Ask and then wait patiently and listen to what they have to say. As a rule - don't judge them based on what they share with you. 

R - Respect them Respect them as individuals. Don't talk down to them.They also feel insulted when hit in a public place, irritated when they are hungry... If what they do is unreasonable explain things to them and convince them. Don't show the power of your muscles or vocal chords to get short term, immediate results. If you don't respect them when they are young and dependent on you, they wont respect you when you are old and dependent on them. 

E - Encourage them Minimize name calling, fault finding and find something good about them and praise them often. Catch them doing good and shower praises. Breeze over small mistakes. But of course correct them firmly with moral issues. The trick is to make them responsible for their behavior and choices at the same time showing them clearly that they are loved beyond measure. Also entertainment is not parenting. I have seen fathers simply hand over their mobiles for their children to play with and not bother spending time with them. Educating is not parenting either. I have also seen mothers who can coax their 2 year old to say A to Z and Jan to Dec but have no say over their children's tantrums or hopeless social behavior. 

N- Nurture a good marriage If the home front is full of shouting and fights the child will grow into an emotional wreck, no matter how pampered he/she is. And when they are old enough to have friends they'd lean and trust their own peers than they do their parents. If you are married and you have a child it is your responsibility to love your spouse, communicate and work out differences and stand united in front of your child. Children place an unusual importance in knowing that their parents love each other. 

T - Teach through example Be what you want your child to be. Preaching wont work. Children are under estimated when it comes to how much they can observe. Parents can live in an imaginary world where all their negative habits and swear words are invisible and inaudible to their child. Then one day they'll be jolted to reality when their five year old does exactly what they do in front  of the disapproving visitors. 

It is not enough if children are well dressed/ well behaved and so on. Pouring in the right values at the right age is most important. Observe your children (it takes time but is worth the effort) and train them in the way they should go. And when they grow old they'd know what path they should choose. God bless. 

To the readers

I don’t know what to tell you guys. I haven’t posted once in the past three weeks and yet you guys keep on checking in! You guys are the BEST!! I truly don’t know how to thank you all. You keep the blog alive! And I draw a lot of strength from you guys. Although we don’t know each other by our real names there is definitely a cord of mutual encouragement, love and sharing that exists through this blog for me. I wish I can thank each one of my readers in person but this must suffice, I guess. :)

Its been a soul searching month for me. For many reasons. But one of the immediate effects was I stopped writing for a while. But thank God I am back in track and with new lessons learnt. :)