Need of the hour – Self esteem

Every individual in this world is valuable because he/she is a unique creation of God. No two people can be exactly alike on this earth.

That means YOU ARE ONE OF A KIND in 7 billion people.

God created you and put you here on earth to be you. If God wanted you to be someone else, He simply would have made you that person. So, self esteem should come naturally to you and in fact God expects you to feel good about yourself.

Two Self Esteem Killers

1)    Comparison with others

Honestly? Useful work gets done ONLY if we refuse to compare ourselves with each other. God must be as amused seeing humans compare themselves, as we would be if Dory and Marlin forget their quest to find Nemo and instead start bickering over whose fins look longer and color is catchier and some such nonsense

2)    Fear

Fear can enter a woman very easily. Parents can instill it in us, older siblings or irresponsible care givers, dominating teachers, controlling fathers, mothers or fathers in law, mothers in law, male chauvinistic fathers or husbands, the list is endless. Yet the answer to it remains the same – You cannot allow fear to continue ruling your life.

To come out of something that has long haunted us we must define it in a way that makes us hate it. So my personal definition of fear is – Inability to enjoy life

This is a true story - If a fearful person goes to the beach all he can think about is the car getting stolen or a sudden tsunami. If a fearful person gets married all she can think about is whether her husband will stay with her or leave her. If she goes to a party she would be worried whether her dress looks fine or if everyone likes her and so on and on and on. 

I don’t want to live like a scared Chicken all my life. I want to be bold and free like an Eagle. The choice lies in my hand as it does in yours.

Few Pointers..

1)    Avoid people who mistreat you. The basic human right is – Live and let live. If this is violated we are hardly a civilization. Continue to respect and help such people BUT never give them the chance to pollute your mind. (That is – by holding any grudge or thoughts of revenge)

2)  Try to overcome unnatural fears that strike at times. Eg: If you are afraid to do something, simply do it even if you feel afraid. Once the job gets done there is no ground for the fear to stay

3)    Keep a tab on your thoughts. Negative thoughts are addictive just like harmful drugs. I try to think Bible verses as much as possible whenever I catch myself thinking negatively

4)    It is good to come out of your little world and help others. People around you also have fear, pain and frustration just like you. Help them and in the process you will be uplifted

5)    Do something new every day. Shake things up. Let adventure be your middle name

6)    Don’t fear man. People sometimes behave like buffoons ready to jump through rings that others hold out for them. They can put up with a lot of nonsense dished out to them. Please do know that other people also have FAULTS. So how are they better than you?

7)    Don’t be an average in many things. Be amazing in one thing. (Recap post named – “Focus”)

8)    Take your baby steps in overcoming fear. It won’t be easy. You may trip a lot just like babies do. But eventually you will experience the freedom that accompanies courage and optimism. You will be a soaring eagle too  

Always remember Self Esteem is your birthright.

(I hope I can write some more on this topic as I continue to learn. My sincere prayer is - No one reading this blog should lack self esteem or miss enjoying the wonderful gift called life. I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have. Do continue writing in and bolster my Self Esteem too ;) )

Focus

The reason I write about goal setting and having a drive to achieve it is this – You have got to have something to show for your life. Living a pointless life is very stressful. By pointless I mean, you don’t know why you are here, you have no clue where you are going, have no plans for the future. You simply get up every morning and see how it goes. I have been there, despised it and am never going back.

If God created Humans with all the intricate anatomy and physiology and a brain that scientists are yet to fully understand. I doubt that all He expects from this wonderful being is – work, eat, sleep, watch TV and exist. There has got to be something more!

I don’t want to find out on my death bed that I had not lived my life, to the hilt. I wouldn’t want anybody else to go through that either. The talk of death may sound morbid to some people but unless you realize there are only 7-10 decades of lifespan for humans how on earth will you know the importance of FOCUS?

Without focus and making deliberate wise choices we can never be happy or have anything to show for our life

Being a naval officer’s wife and having something to show for your life is quite a challenge. Your life will simply revolve around your husband. I have been through phases in my life where all I did was in response to things happening in my hubby’s life. There was no “My Life”. I had to shield my child from the pain of irregular family time, unpredictable lifestyle, ignore my own health, slog away at obscure chores and so much more. So ladies, don’t have this as an excuse – “My husband sails a lot and there are frequent transfers and so I cannot be doing anything apart from running the home”.  It is not good for you. Be independent and prove your own mettle. Many a times you will be the source of inspiration and comfort to your husband and children. Unless you are a happy inspired individual how will you help them?

Right now, think of a person you admire (not a member of your family or from your friends circle). Is this person an expert in ONE thing or an average in many things? That is what each one of us needs to be. The Nobel laureate R.P.Feynman said – “Find the one thing that delights you and do it in the most irreverent, undisciplined way possible.”

Your Cynosure is that which delights you, which comes very easily to you. Be imaginative. Be creative and find a source of outlet for your talent.

Now let us see the enemies of our cynosure

Enemy No.1–The unfocused life

Entertainment, repetitive mundane work, pleasing others and going on thinking without taking any actions. You may not be able to concentrate on only your goal. A million other things may be happening in your life. Yet resolve to take one baby step everyday towards your chosen goal

Enemy No.2 – Wrong motives

- If the focal point of your life is pleasing people and getting a satisfied ego; then good luck with your quest for a happy life. Be a thoroughbred. Wear your blinders and simply run your race. Don’t look left or right

- Money - The only thing that I have noticed about people running after money is – they look very old for their age. They can easily talk to you about – BP, Diabetes and other health concerns on their 31^st birthday. Makes me wonder if they are hurting themselves to earn money to provide for treatment for the hurt in their later years :( Money is a very poor motivator. It can drive you crazy. Just do what you are best at doing with all your heart. Be content with whatever money comes to you, live within those means. The blinders can help you here too. Simply don't compare anything that you cannot take beyond your coffin

A Friend of your life’s focal point is – A heart that is not afraid to love. A person pursuing after a worthwhile goal should be willing to love himself and the people around him. He should not lose his health or the time with his family and friends over the pursuit of his goal. He then would be a robot and the beauty of being human is lost. Such a life is worth nothing although tangible results may be seen. A person, who has learned to love much, accomplishes marvelous things in his life. So anchor your heart with God as He is love and this anchor cannot be shaken by any amount of life’s storms and focus your mind on what delights you

The advantage of the focused life is life’s difficulties will not bring you down as much as it does a person who lives a distracted life. Aim for quality and not quantity to fill your life, one day at a time. Lastly, try hard till you are finished, not with yourself but with the task you’ve undertaken. God bless.

Success

A dream makes life worthwhile. But there is a negative energy in this earth that makes people think – It is better not to try, than to try and fail.

I read this quote once – If you have no hope to win before you start, you have already failed. No hope for a win drains the drive required to try new things. 

Imagine 1 = Success and 0 = Failure.

The equations are

1)    If we try and win

Dream x (hardwork & everything working in our favor) = 1

2)    If we try and lose

Dream x (something went wrong) = 0

3)    If we don’t try at all

Dream x (nothing) = 0

Not having the courage to start the project is = failure putting on the robe of false-safety. 

If you dare to try and then you fail. A Mighty Challenge faces your soul – Are you going to continue in the race or sit in the sidelines? (It is easier to sit in the sidelines and watch the non-quitters run – while occasionally passing comments / feeling mighty jealous of them and calling them heartless for not giving you company / wishing with ALL your heart that you were there on the track feeling alive.) If you take up the Mighty Challenge you have made an awesome choice. And when you consistently make that choice you become someone amazing, someone beyond the ordinary. THAT in itself is success. And actual success cannot elude you any further.

There is a twist to the story here. The normal race has competitors competing. But the race of life is NOT relative. We have unique tracks. That is why we should never compare our lives nor pass judgment on one another. This can easily sidetrack anyone, that they lose sight of their destiny and instead join the "rat-race".That is a pitfall to watch out for. 

Once you have overcome the beginner’s fear, continued having a good attitude and stayed on three fourths of the race then comes another challenge – You have to finish the race. A ¾ win is no win at all. Whatever it is you are pursuing – DON’T QUIT. See it till the end. 

The negative energy I mentioned earlier will make you think you have had enough. Don’t listen to it. Every human being who finished his/her race is a huge blow on this negative energy (and it grows less in strength). Talk about leaving a better earth for our kids! There isn't a better legacy for our children than showing them how TO DREAM and that success is actually spelled P-E-R-S-E-V-E-R-A-N-C-E.