Indian Navy Homemakers – 3 How to overcome loneliness

How to overcome loneliness 

I almost gave up continuing this series thinking – this is way too negative for a person like me. I always draw attention to the positives in life and live quite happily. It is a total reversal of my character to speak about depression, loneliness and the likes. But I think someone out there needs to read this. I’ll try to give possible solutions. I hope it helps. If not anything there is at least the comfort that you are not alone. Everyone undergoes crap in their life at some point of time. But the silver lining is – we can choose to come out broken or stronger.

How to overcome loneliness in Navy Life?

• What is loneliness? – Solitude, Isolation, Seclusion (courtesy thesaurus)

• The first step in coming out of any situation is – the decision to not be in it anymore

• If you have made up your mind you are already on the road to happiness

• Write these down - What is your definition of a friend and an acquaintance?

• My definition of a friend - Someone with whom you can confidently think aloud and be assured that you won’t be judged. Who corrects you firmly but with love when you are wrong, stands with you when you are in trouble and encourages you even when you don’t believe in yourself. This is what I strive to be with my friends. I think any human being should have at least one such person in their life. The upper limit depends on how much of an extrovert/introvert you are

• Thanks to technology you can keep in touch with your childhood/college friends despite physical distance. Just a simple decision to send at least 4/5 emails in a month (without fail) will keep the relationship alive and mutually enriching

• My definition of an acquaintance – Someone with whom I share a common constructive pastime. This enables me to keep the relationship at some level of closeness while not sharing anything personal

• Such relationships are common in navy. Many women get together to simply hang out while their children play with each other. That’s good.  For me, the one extra point is the conversation needs to be strictly non-gossip, so I choose my acquaintances carefully and look for common interests or sometimes even create common pastimes. For instance, my child became very good friends with a KG classmate. They wanted to play with each other every evening but that child’s mom and I had nothing in common! So we invented our own common pastime. We started teaching each other some of our healthy recipes for kids. Whenever our husbands sailed out and the children got jittery we would take the kids out for a walk, buy the ingredients, cook while our kids played, eat and retire for the evening with our happy and ready- for- sleep kids. We ended up having a good time and successfully kept our children happy although their papas were out in the sea

• Sometimes due to unavoidable circumstances, we can end up in a situation where we may be utterly alone. In such cases – learn to stop thinking only about yourself and reach out and help someone in need. Not necessarily an NGO. Just help your next door neighbour with her newborn kid or help a newly married lady with getting the ration or simply getting used to the naval environment. Visit a sick neighbour. If you have the heart to help, somehow God will show the people to whom you can be a blessing

• Spend time indulging in activities that get you outdoors and in the sun and fresh air

o   Go for regular walks and admire nature while listening to music in your walkman

o  Take a camera when you go out. Naval houses are always located in some picturesque surroundings. Make the most of it

o    Maintain a garden. Even if it is just a few pots and simple non-flowering plants

o    Having a pet is a good idea for pet lovers

o  If you love to star gaze do it. Since naval houses are near the sea there is less intrusion of smog and street lights. I have enjoyed many a good night of gazing at stars

o  Learn new things – If there is a cookery class/yoga class/ aerobics class – anything announced in the neighbourhood – JUST GO

o    Keep yourself busy with things that you love to do best

• Hope these tips help.  Let me conclude with what you should never do when you are feeling lonely

o   Don’t sleep for a long time

o   Don’t  binge on comfort foods

o   Don’t do mindless activities – like browsing the net/watching TV/cleaning the house for too long

o   Don’t stay closeted inside your house

o  Don’t expect people to know supernaturally that you exist and are looking for some company

o   Don’t get into depression and make your husband feel guilty about his work style

Never imagine that a bad phase would last forever. The biggest temptation when going through crap is – you think that the situation can never be changed. Whenever this thought enters your mind, remember - The first step in coming out of any situation is – the decision to not be in it anymore. God bless you.