Indian Navy Home Makers – Part 2

Women seem to be very bubbly and cheerful UNTIL they become Home Makers. What goes wrong after that? 

Women in India lose their identity in their families. They are by nature very caring and giving.  The problem is they don’t know where to stop. Home makers in particular live a very frustrated life. I think partly the reason is they have lost their sense of being a separate person.

 Marriage brings in added responsibility. MAINTAINING A HOME IS THE MOST TIRING UNRECOGNIZED JOB PROFILE. The work doesn’t give you soul satisfaction. I don’t mean that all of us should hand over our house keys to our maids and go work in an office. I am saying find out about the beautiful woman you see in the mirror. Marriage is important. Maintaining a good married relationship is VERY important. But maintain your individuality as well. 

Soul satisfaction comes only from doing the thing you were created for. For instance, a woman with an intellectual bent of mind won’t be happy with cooking and child care alone. She would also love to learn new things. A woman with an artistic bent of mind will love to paint and decorate her home and so on. You get my point. So it is very important to find out what gives you most happiness and go after it. I am assuming the reader is an Indian Navy wife. Indian Navy takes good care of its employees so you won’t be under obligation to add to the family coffers. Go ahead and find out what you are created for and go after it. 

In finding about our own self, I found an article by Mr.Arun Barath very useful. I am sharing a part of it here. Take time when your mind is free and answer the following questions. 

1)            What kind of a person am I?

2)           What will give me lasting joy or sorrow?

3)           What do I love to do? What do I hate doing?

4)           What do I need to achieve to be successful?

5)           What opinion should others hold about me?

6)           What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses?

7)            Who is my inspiration? Why?

8)            Whose life should mine be similar to?

Once you have answered these questions remove from them things that are impractical. Take a fresh page and write down what you have found about yourself. Now that you know the destination, find out the route. Keep the note safe. Whenever life shifts into a rut mode go back to it and renew your mind and realign yourself. 

Keep reading. Hope this series helps someone out there.

Indian Navy Home Makers - Part 1 (Not for the newlyweds)

This post is NOT for newlyweds or the about to be married :) Sorry young ladies. You MAY read on. These are very serious topics and you'll probably not be able to relate to what I am writing or you might think "Oh this can never happen in my life". So please let me spare you the trouble. :) 

Married for a year or more ladies - I hope this series of posts help you :)

If you are anything like me you would have gotten married to your guy because you were hopelessly, head over heels in love with him. You wouldn’t have thought about the practical implications or if you did, you probably disregarded it in exchange of love. 

Most women enter marriage and get to keep at least 60% of their previous lives. But for Naval wives it is minus 100%. Unless you had a defense officer dad/brother you'll feel like your life has been turned upside down and then inside out. :) 

A typical navy year starts with – A phone call. Your life is dictated by transfers. This decides a lot of things. Where you'll go, what climatic conditions you have to stay in, how quickly you need to vacate your present house, how many bedrooms your house has (in naval terms – an A or B or C Type accommodation), whether your husband gets to be with you or not (refit ship or ‘just coming out of MR’ ship); sometimes it even plays a part in whether your husband gets to see the birth of your first child or develop from an infant to a toddler. 

(I have nothing against the person deciding on officer’s transfers. :) BUT as a young wife I really dreaded these transfers as much as I did the bogey monsters under my bed as a child.)

The following are a couple of common results of having such an unpredictable lifestyle 

1)           Loneliness followed by

2)         Depression. 

No one spoke to me about these things. But I’ve observed, even underwent and overcome these things in my life and I wish to share what I have learned. 

PLEASE TAKE NOTE – This post touches exclusively on the extreme negative aspect of this unpredictable lifestyle. Do take time to read the whole series and also my yet to be published post – “The UpSiDe of the UpBeAt naval life”. Reading the current post alone will cause you to see navy through a small distorted hole which is nowhere near the real beautiful picture.

Why does loneliness enter in an Indian Navy Wife’s life?

 a) Husband sails a lot and  

b) Neighbors are hard to mingle with (different culture/language/interests) or

c) You may be a reserved person or

d) No neighbors! (Rare condition but I have lived near empty houses simply because my neighbors went home for their studies/delivery. And on another unfortunate occasion our accommodation was FAR from the next building)

 

Loneliness coupled with stress leads to depression. This stress can be caused by too much work (say like taking care of two kids on your own) or too little work (you have been a busy career woman and suddenly you are at home with no work and no identity except being Mrs. So and So)

I have seen some worst case effects of depression.

1)             Psychological changes

a.          Person goes into a quiet non-interactive state - melancholic

b.          Once you get them talking they spit out bitterness, complaints, pain or self pity

c.         Sometimes person starts speaking A LOT. In a sense you can’t get them to shut up.

d.           Complains/gossips a lot. Lot of negative talk.

e.    They cannot pay attention to what you are saying because their mind is occupied with 100 different things. And when you stop speaking they’ll continue speaking about an irrelevant topic.

f.               In rare cases they’ll be very hurtful, critical of everyone including you.

g.            Seeks attention in wrong ways - from other men/internet etc.,

h.            They’ll perpetually paint a “oh the world is big, black and horrible” picture.

2)         Physical changes

a.            Stays indoors a lot

b.            Eats/sleeps/watches TV/movies A LOT

c.             Laziness and no proper use of time.

d.           Sometimes loses weight by working out insanely (that’s good in a way)

e.             Seems perpetually on the verge of breaking down

3)         This is a separate category altogether. The worst case scenario – ANGER

My understanding of anger is – It’s a Bomb. Once it’s ignited it either explodes on the people around it or is contained and destroys the person who is holding it. I am not a psychologist. I am simply writing all this based on observation and personal experience. So please forgive me if I am inaccurate.

Now that I have given a picture of how bad it can get. In my following posts I will be giving simple solutions that go a long way . Keep reading. :)