First Accomodation !!

Newly married – two months and I was planning my First Official Transfer :)  My hubby and I thought - step 1 we need to buy stuff, step 2 we need to find something to put it all inside. That’s it. Well, we couldn’t have been more naive. 

The whole thing was a comedy of errors. 

Error no. 1 – We bought the biggest trunk available in the market.  It was so big that in the event of no accommodation, we both could have stayed inside it. Our reasoning was we don’t want many trunks to carry. One trunk is easy to monitor and transfer. 

The trunk weighed like a full grown elephant once it was packed. So we ended up paying for 10 people to load and unload it from the truck. The high light was our new apartment was on the 5^th floor. Since we dint want to kill anybody by making them carry our ele-trunk for 5 floors. We decided to unload it from the ground floor and load it in our house through multiple trips. Guess what? The apartment people (non-naval crowd) decided this was worth watching. So I had to unload my pots and pans and Knicks and knacks everything in front of some over-friendly, loud-mouthed eager neighbors.  It was the last time I used that trunk. 

Moral of this story – Buy smaller trunks, even if you need 10 or 15 of them. It must be easy to carry. Some places like Mumbai has heavy duty elevators but you cannot expect the same everywhere. Better yet use packers and movers. They bring their own packing material, wrap up your stuff and unload it very quickly and safely. 

Error no.2 – I led a very busy life before I got married. So when I saw that I was going to be a home maker I thought I have SO MUCH FREE TIME so I’ll DO IT ALL. That is cooking, sweeping, mopping, washing and going around with my husband and also coping up with the navy lifestyle. AGAIN I couldn’t have been more naive. 

Yes, I was a busy person before marriage. But I was busy with my studies, cultural activities, seminars, exams, projects and interviews followed by an employment. It is NOTHING close to running a household. Here I was in my new home exhausted, depressed, stressed out and certainly not enjoying my married life as I should be.  I was working the whole day and having NO time to do the stuff that held any meaning to me. 

Moral of this story – KEEP A MAID to do the top work – utensils, sweeping, mopping, bathroom cleaning, and clothes washing (or get a washing machine). I never keep maids for cooking because I love to cook nutritious food for my family. But in the early days when my child was small I did employ some good cooks. The money you spend on the maid is WORTH the time you get for doing useful stuff. 

Error No. 3 – If you are newly married and if your hubby’s course mates are bachelors you can be sure that you’ll be cooking and hosting a lot. Since I was not familiar with cooking in my early years of marriage I took TOO much pressure on myself. I started cooking almost a DAY before the actual party. I cleaned the house like crazy. Sat tensed through the whole time they were at our place. Kept worrying to no end whether they liked the food or not. After they left I again got back to cleaning all the expensive plates, glasses and cutlery. Sounds ridiculous to me after all these years but this is what happened then. And my fears and frustrations were real to me at that time! I so wanted to impress my hubby and also not cut a sorry figure in front of his friends. :) 

Moral of this story – Keep the menu simple.  You are not competing for Master Chef  India. (I’ll touch on this topic more in a post titled – “First get together”. How to make a good impression at the same time taking it easy on yourself ) Ask your maid to help with chopping the veggies, cleaning the chicken, making parathas and so on. Use disposable plates and cups. Keep a big bag or dust bin where they can put all the stuff before washing their hands. This way you are clear of any cleaning job after the party. 

Error No. 4 – I loved the freedom I had as a married woman. My hubby and I used to go out a LOT. One day it was almost twilight and it was about to rain. The adventurous couple that we were ;) we decided to go on a bike ride. As luck would have it the weather broke out just as we were starting back home. We narrowly avoided being in an accident – 3 times on our way back home. We climbed 5 floors to reach our apartment since the power was gone. And - Our apartment was flooded. We were probably the only people who could manage to flood a 5^th floor apartment. We had left the windows open and the rain had a free access. We had no furniture. So our beds, diwans, cushions etc, were all on the floor. It took 3 hours for us to push the water out and two days to get all our stuff completely dried.

Moral of this story – If you don’t know which place in your new apartment seeps/leaks; or through which windows the rain can enter, then you better stay home during a rain. If you have to go, then lock all the windows and keep mats under doors leading to the sit outs.  

Error No.5 – This was my first house – I mean my OWN. So I was interested in decorating it. Every trip outside had me shopping for new hangings, artifacts, lamps, cushion covers and so on and on. I tell you, your home is your home. It is not a place where you call people to show off your taste and your stuff.  Spend time and money making it comfortable not just showy.  Plus all these stuff like delicate chandeliers or terracotta figurines are breakable. They are hard to pack and also not many survive during the frequent transfers that are very much a part of navy life. 

Moral of this story – The main basic stuff you require are 

1)      Window Curtains. You’ll need this first thing.

2)      Kitchen items. Always carry an induction stove.  This way you are not dependent on a gas connection which usually takes time.

3)      Water filter – Aqua sure or Pure it should do the trick. Don’t spend extra bucks buying water from outside.

4)      AC. All the work of setting up a house needs a good night’s rest. So get this fixed up.

5)      Misc. stuff like beds, large buckets for storing water, cloth lines, etc., 

All other things are just extras. So keep them to the minimum. Transfers happen a lot in navy. Don’t burden yourself with more stuff to pack.

Error No.6 – Second hand stuff are cheaper and easy to buy :) Our first car was a second hand one. We thought we were very clever. Boy! Did we have trouble! That sweet thing conked out whenever it felt like. We ended up spending more money on repairing it for which we could have bought a new car. We did buy a new car three years after that. But we have our share of old car adventure stories ;)

Moral of this story – People sell things second hand for a reason. Don’t buy other people’s problems. Costly items like Car, bikes, fridge, TV etc., last for long time. So invest in the best without getting into a debt. 

These are pretty comical and not-so-serious stuff that I wrote about. There are some really serious issues I had to deal with and I’ll be saying it in my next post. 

Be a Confident Woman

Dictionary meaning of the word - Confident: sure of oneself; having no uncertainty about one's own abilities, correctness and successfulness; bold

 Indian parents (at least the parents I know) teach qualities like helping others, being respectful to elders, displaying good behavior in general; adjusting to whatever surroundings you are in, not blowing your own trumpet and so on.

One major quality they don’t teach is to be confident. Women in India can be so modest that they have a volume of talents in them just shut up because they are too unsure of what might happen if they open up. What’s worse they might end up living their whole life in fear of someone or something or some imaginary situation.

I believe it is the birth right of all human beings to be able to love and celebrate the unique creations they are and in short to simply enjoy life. Among the many books I have read about confidence building – Joyce Meyer’s “The confident woman” is very practical and easy to follow.

I strongly urge the reader to buy this book. It definitely changed my life. I have shared only a very small portion of the book here because I don’t want to infringe any copyright issues.

Secrets of a confident woman 

1)    A confident woman knows that she is loved

     To be whole and complete we need to know that we are loved. Although not everyone will accept and love us, some will. I encourage you to concentrate on those who do love you and forget about those who don’t.

2)    A confident woman refuses to live in fear

     Fear causes people to bury their talents due to fear of failure, judgment or criticism. It causes them to draw back in misery and live in torment. Don’t spend time with people who wear you down and give the worst case scenario about everything. Unless we make a firm decision to not fear we can never come out of its power. One way of shutting down fear is to “Do it afraid”. Even if you are feeling scared just do what you need to do. Eventually the feeling wears off. Stop focusing on your feelings and simply ‘do it afraid’.

3)    A confident woman is positive

Confidence and negativity do not mix together. They are like oil and water. Being positive is a choice – it is a way of thinking, speaking and acting. It has been said that 90% of what we worry about never happens! So why not believe something good is going to happen to you?      

4)    A confident woman recovers from setbacks

We don’t need to see setbacks as failures. A person fails only when she stops trying. Most of the people who are huge successes failed their way to success. If you step out, try something and fail, at least you know you shouldn’t do that again. If you are doing nothing with your life because you are not sure what to do, then pray and try some things. Eventually after a few setbacks you will discover your destiny.          

5)    A confident woman avoids comparisons 

     Confidence is not possible as long as we compare ourselves with other people. No matter how beautiful or talented or wealthy you are there is always someone who will be better than you in that area. Our joy should not be found in being better than others but in being the best we can be. The world always gives the impression that we need to be something other than what we are. God purposely made us all different and different is not bad. Be content with yourself. That doesn’t mean you cannot make progress and continually improve. It means celebrate your uniqueness and start enjoying you.

6)    A confident woman takes action

     There are two kinds of people in the world – ones that wait for something to happen and the ones that make something happen. The naturally shy person must overcome anxiety, timidity, the temptation to withdraw from challenges and low confidence. Making mistakes is not the end of the world. Don’t sit in the sidelines of life wishing you were doing the things you see other people doing. Take action and get a life! When you want to do something, don’t let yourself think about all the things that could go wrong. Be positive and think about the exciting things that can happen.

7)    A confident woman does not live in “if only” and “what if”

     People can feel empty bemoaning what they don’t have instead of using what they do have. Don’t live in the tyranny of “if only”. If only I had a better education, more money, more opportunity, more beauty and so on. “If only” is the thief of “what could be”. “What if” is an equally devastating phrase. Negatively anticipating a future experience is more devastating than actually experiencing the problem. What if a loved one dies, what if something bad happens, what if my husband cheats me and so on. Anyone can become miserable with that kind of thinking. Think of things that will help you and not hinder you. Think confident and you will be confident.