Being a newly wed is something similar to being in the 12th grade in India. Every Mrs.Tom, Mrs.Dave and Mrs.Harry gives you advice. They range from how to wear your sarees to which utensil is best to put your leftovers in. People just can't mind their own business. So my dear newly wed make it a decision to hear them out politely but not to jump their loop. It is your life and you will learn as you go. You are perfect as you are.
Focus on yourself. Weddings are exhausting ! So take time to ease into the routine. If you are married to a naval officer you are most probably planning on being a home maker [I'll touch on this topic later named - "To work or not to work"]. If you are anything like me, you would have been a pampered intelligent kid back home whose cooking experience is limited to boiling water.
OK. I wasn't that bad. But I did consider having curd rice/chapathi with pickle amounted to a full meal. Don't judge me too hastily. Now my husband can't eat at restaurants happily because he LOVES my cooking. I learned it along the way and so will you.
* If you are adept at cooking well, knock him down ! If not, pick up VERY SIMPLE recipes and try it out on him. Husbands do place a lot of importance in getting good food. Naval guys are especially waiting for home cooked food because of all the ship food they have eaten for years together.
* Being well dressed and presentable at ALL times is a MUST. For you never know which hour of the day you would have guests. I have served coffee to people at 2:00 am. You get the point. :)
* Keep a maid. Some of the naval houses are HUGE and if you try to do it all you'd end up doing only that the whole day. CHECK THE GOING SALARY of a maid with a friendly neighbor before you send word for a maid. Maids can tell you hiked salaries and IF you naively accept it you will be the bad lady in the colony who raised the rates !
* Hobbies are a MUST. Even if it means walking in the picturesque surroundings/hitting the free naval gym/visiting the fully-equipped naval libraries, do it. Don't make the mistake of sitting around at home waiting for your husband to come back. Have a life of your own, doing things that you enjoy doing. It HELPS !
* Choose your friends carefully. Take your time. Don't open up to everyone who SEEMS nice. In a sociable environment like this ALL the people are nice but only some are trustworthy and really build you up. Be cautious. Don't let loneliness make you put up with some really nasty people. Draw the line where you need to. Navy life is NOT difficult. It takes time to get used to. But you are more than capable to handle it.
* Navy life usually has a lot of sailing, that means time away from home. So make sure you enjoy the time you get with your hubby. Find activities you enjoy doing together and do it.Don't make the mistake of hosting parties when he is around after a stint of sailing. Constantly having (even if they are good) friends around is NOT going to help you know each other better. Be strict about couple-time and in the leftover time make sure you are with people who you BOTH enjoy being with.
hi..
ReplyDeletei am about to get married with a naval officer.i don't know why but i'm very nervous.actually i am very shy.i have not attended various parties.will it be very difficult for me to adjust there?
Hi deepa. I am sorry I dint read your comments earlier. Congrats for your marriage ! It is OK to be nervous and shy. It is a HUGE change from being in a secluded environment at our parents' home to being the wife of a naval officer.
ReplyDeleteParties in Indian Navy are NOT wild and out of control. All the official parties are simple traditional social gatherings. You'll meet people, have a buffet dinner and come back. Nothing more. The wild parties are the unofficial ones - like rain dance etc., which you have a CHOICE to NOT attend. The third kind are course mates' home parties which usually consists of lot of good food, conversation and laughter. Nothing else dear. You'll deal with all of these VERY EASILY. :) God bless.
hello Mam...
ReplyDeletei love your blog.i daily checked it to find your comments. By reading it i have gained the confidence that i can adjust.
Thanx a lot Mam..
Thanks for the compliment and let me be the first one on behalf of Indian Navy to say "Welcome young lady" :)
Deletethanx mam :)
ReplyDeleteHi
ReplyDeleteCan you elaborate on this a bit: "If you are married to a naval officer you are most probably planning on being a home maker [I'll touch on this topic later named - "To work or not to work"]".
My boyfriend is a Navy officer and I have always had concerns in regards to what happens to my career if I marry him. I still have a lot of confusion.
How hard will it be maintain a strong career path for myself if I settle into the Navy life?
Fair question and the answer is – it will be hard. As a naval officer’s wife you cannot give equal importance to career and home. One of these will have to take a lesser priority. For eg. Transfers are common in Navy. What happens to your job when that happens? Will you be able to work from home for a while and shift to another branch in the city he is posted in or will you ask him to stay on board as a forced bachelor and continue living in the city you are working in and maintain a long distance relationship or will you chose an easy career that allows you to move places. These are choices you will have to make. Think through and decide.
DeleteI have elaborated on simple jobs naval wives can take up in my post “to work or not to work”. But maintaining a REAL career is hard. And it gets harder when you get children and they grow older etc. I chose to leave a lucrative career to marry the man I love. It was hard to have no identity for myself but I was clear about the choice I made and boldly faced the consequences. I am not following the same career curve as my former colleagues and class mates but I am content where I am. Navy officers have their work cut out for them so unless you both are clear about your priorities there would be unnecessary stress in the family.
Be clear about your choice. It is your life and you have the right to enjoy it.
(In case you are confused answer questions like – 1) Where do I see myself 10 years down the line 2) When I have a baby am I ready to take care of it alone or will I expect my husband to be with me 3) What gives me more satisfaction – Having a happy home or Having a challenging career? 4) Do I go with the flow or do I like to plan and stick rigidly to the plan… )
Hope my answer helped. God bless.
hi ma'am,
ReplyDeleteafter 2 yrs. my boyfriend will be a naval officer...he is in INA right now, and i will be a architect. will it be possible for me to continue my job if i marry him?
1 more question- as my father is in judiciary, so we usually attend formal parties, meet uncles at high posts, so will all these help me afterwards... do these both have any similarities??
Hello there,
DeleteWelcome to Indian Navy Life. Its good to have a foretaste of official parties. of course now you'd be attending them as an officer's wife and that would be a huge difference. Meaning you got to still learn a lot of the ways of Navy Culture.
About the Job.... I heard this saying last night - "If you truly care about it you'll find a way out. If you don't you'll find an excuse". So if you truly want to earn money and be independent you'll have to be creative and figure a way out to be in a job. Every married woman has to cut down somewhere and make adjustments according to her husband's needs. Just make the best of what comes your way. Being in Navy a variety of exciting opportunities will come your way if you just have the mind to look for it. God bless.
thank you so much ma'am.... :) :)
Deletehello maam,
DeleteMy bf is in indian navy and he will pass out this december. I am a computer science engineer. and working for IT firms didnt attracted me much so presently i m heading for govt jobs i.e a bank job. in public sector banks and marrying a naval officer and me too going for govt job will affect my career due to transfers?..i knw it will be difficult. i always have a doubt .can u please tell me your opinion.We always have discussions abt my career as my bf thinks that i will be alone when he will be out for sailing and i should have something in hand..otherwise loneliness will kill me.so its like working is always best, say a teaching job that fits well...but on the other hand he is happy too.he never forces me or something he wants me after few years thats it..:) and its really true every woman has to make adjustments..n i m ready for that adjustement..but before that i want to work n study..:) but still maam i want to know ur opinion according to your experiences
hello ma'am ,
ReplyDeletei am a physiotherapist getting married to a doctor who has just been selected for short service commission in the navy.he says the rank is a surgeon lieutenant. will there be ship postings for him ? if so, then how long does each ship posting last? when he comes home to me, how long will he be given leave before setting out to sea again? i love him a lot and am feeling extremely nervous to be away from him for such a long time. please reply as i am waiting anxiously.
Hi I chanced upon your blog while preparing for a workshop for young couples. I am a happy Naval wife of 21 years and its a pleasure to know that someone is using technology most effectively . With your permission i want to mention your blog at the workshop and hope more young wives will read it to make their Naval experience a happy one.
ReplyDeleteHello Ma'am
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend is in the Navy, I am a dentist by profession and would want to pursue a successful career of my own but reading your post has me thrown off a bit as my boyfriend and me very well intend to marry soon. Is being a homemaker or having simple jobs the absolution after marrying the man i love, I am sure there is no concrete answer for it but still if you could shed light on the topic , it would be immensely helpful and also a post on hosting the hubby's coursemates is requested.
Hi Sonia,
DeleteHappy to know you are entering the Navy world soon. And yes there is no concrete answer for the "job" question. This is a valid doubt that many ladies mail me about.I'll try to answer it in my next post. I'll post about hosting parties at home as well.
Hello Ma'am!! Your blog is very informative. I do think that it is not necessary for a woman to give up her career and take up simple jobs, an easily transferable job or to work from home just so that she can support her husbands career. There is no doubt that working for the armed forces is not a job but a lifestyle, but a woman who wants to marry a military man need not sacrifice her career. A long distance marriage will work just fine. In today's day and age there are so many means of communication to
ReplyDeletemaintain a long distance marriage. As far as the husband staying as a "forced bachelor" is concerned, the woman will be staying as a "forced spinster" as well. There are very few men who would even consider comprising on their career for their wives, let alone giving up on it. Women are always socialised to be the one who should sacrifice her dreams to accommodate her husbands dreams. Women are also socialised to give precedence to their husbands career over their own. In any society the status of an individual depends on whether the individual is economically independent or not. Wives who give up their career for their husbands tend to resent their situation because they don't have much freedom as they are dependent on their husbands. We are living in the 21st century, yet women are made to feel guilty if their choose to have a successful career, because society assumes that,that will make women "inadequate wives and mothers". Society will always point fingers at women, but every woman should remember that she does not exist to please society. It is very important for a woman to have her own identity.
Hello Ma'am,
ReplyDeleteI would like to thank you very much for your blog. It is very informative and has been helping us a lot. My BF is an officer in Indian Navy and I am pursuing my masters and working currently in USA. However I am really scared of leaving my career and being a home maker in a straight way. It’s been a very difficult decision for me. I very often get apprehensive when I think about losing my identity. I am very much ready to come back to India as I love him a lot. However, it’s very intimidating. I know there isn't any specific solution for my problem. But could you help me with what kind of Jobs are there for naval wives, also are there any in Information Systems?
Thanks again!
Hi,I am in a similar situation like yours. Would love to have a chat with you regarding the same? Can I have your email address?
DeleteHi,I am in a similar situation like yours. Would love to have a chat with you regarding the same? Can I have your email address?
DeleteHi,I am in a similar situation like yours. Would love to have a chat with you regarding the same? Can I have your email address?
DeleteHello mam�� My bf is a lieutenant in navy and he has his service in ship for about 1.5yrs.but to my knowledge as he is an electrical engineer ..so I wanted to know that will his sailing be less..and is getting married to a naval officer is living forever in a long distance relation...secondly my concern is my career as i am a doctor and my profession demands stability...will I get lost in the twirl of multiple transfers and living alone? Is it difficult to be a naval officers wife? I really love him
ReplyDelete